Monday, 2 December 2019

An unexpected visit to the vet...Tolkien is not the same kitten anymore....

Well, he does smell kinda funny after all...but then again he is Tolkien and he smells like an annoying kitten
Well last week was definitely an adventurous one...well for some of us, anyway! Yeah and the weather has changed as well....brr is rather cold...winter is here...well at least this is what hoomins constantly moan about the last few days as apparently it is rather cold, not that I would know anymeow....or that I care about the weather in anyway....hoomins problem, if they want to go outside then they would get cold....their problem, pfft!

Anymeows and as I was saying about last week...well, yes, last week it was a bit different than any other week as Tolkien finally had that dreaded visit at the vet’s, which visit those pesky hoomins were planning for a while now! Poor Tolkien, he was totally taken by surprise and he wasn’t expecting to be betrayed by his hoomins (well, he should have listened to me as hoomins are not to be trusted...they are very sneaky at times and one has to be very weary of them at times!). 
The whole thing was a nightmare for both of us, seriously now....It started on Wednesday night when all of the sudden all the food suddenly and very unexpectedly....disappeared. There was no food or biscuit bowl to be found anywhere....You see one minute all the food was there and the next...poof it had gone....nothing to be found...Of course and for a while there was a bit of panic as the possibility of starvation all of the sudden became a reality and it worried me…a lot! But luckily it was a false alarm...the starvation period meant to be for Tolkien only so hoomins save me and gave me some of my food secretly away from Tolkien’s beady eyes...I didn’t understand it at the time why Tolkien wasn’t supposed to eat anything at all but then again it wasn’t really my problem as long as hoomins were keeping my bowl full and away from Tolkien....everything was fine for me!
So Wednesday night was a strange night especially for Tolkien who the hunger was driving him insane and he was acting out of his mind....he was trying his hardest to get some food from the hoomins but they kept ignoring him till the morning came.....Then things got a lot worse for Tolkien as the cat basket came out and I knew then and there that something terrible was going to happen....Again Tolkien choose to ignore all my warnings that the hoomins were up to no good and he started treating instead the basket like a new toy and a place to get into and explore, which of course it was what the hoomins wanted him to do in the first place, cause as soon as he was inside he was trapped and the door was closed...no escape for Tolkien (well not that I was feeling too sympathetic he had it coming after all that stupid kitten and I was quite aware of where that basket would take him....to the dreaded vet of course). Tolkien wasn’t pleased to find himself trapped inside so and as it was to be expected he started his loud meowing singing as he was hoping that the hoomins would feel sorry for him and they would let him out....but hoomins had other plans for him that day and a vet visit was part of that plan...So they took a very annoyed and scared Tolkien (at that point I kinda felt a bit sorry for that kitten even if he is in most cases a pain in my....hmm, you know the rest I think). 
So after a while one of the hoomins came back but with no Tolkien or basket and although it felt strange for a while not having a kitten driving me insane constantly but very soon and as it was rather peaceful and I was getting a lot of attention from my hoomin (and all the food and biscuit bowls reappear again with fresh food and biscuits) things started looking promising after all....I wasn’t missing that pesky kitten at all. Life without Tolkien was good and I could have easily got used to be on my own at home with the hoomins....
But unfortunately good things don’t last for very long as after a while the other hoomin came back and guess who she brought back with her….. Yeap, Tolkien in the basket (rather quiet this time around) was back home again....
At this point I was going to get annoyed with hoomins for bringing him back but Tolkien didn’t look himself at all! He was smelling a bit strange, he was acting and walking funny and he couldn’t even meow properly....He was certainly not the same Tolkien from this morning....he was definitely different….perhaps she has brought back an improved Tolkien? I could only hope at this point!
Tolkien is making the most of his recent ‘experience’  by resting  on the hoomin and pretending that he is stressed...yeah right!


But now a few days since Tolkien’s vet visit have past and although he isn’t the same kitten anymore as something seems to be missing he hasn’t really improved that much. Of course and as it was to be expected (I would have done myself the same) the first day after he came back he played the part of hoomins do feel sorry for me, it’s all your fault sooo well and convincingly that he got him all the attention and food he wanted or wished for as he ended up eating for 2 days in one go (I’m starving feed me now hoomins and don’t let Ozzy bully me or eat my food as I’m very stressed and not well….pfft, hoomins are so gullible)...Even now hoomins are still feeling sorry for him and they let him being a horror and a bully....especially to me because they don’t want to stress him!
So thanks hoomins for making Tolkien being worse than he was already, now not only he doesn’t listen to me but he is also allowed to bully me.....Come on hoomins stop feeling sorry for him now.....he is absolute fine, he is still the little horror and force of destruction he has always been....
But at least now I can eat his food with clear conscience as he can now eat proper food like a normal cat and not all this kitten nonsense.....Finally something positive at least!


Anymeows better go now...need to check on the patient you see!

Purrs and meows till next time!

Before I go though I would like to mention once again that my hoomins are trying to raise money to help older cats such like Choo Choo and Faith were with vet bills as their treatments can be very expensive since insurances don’t cover senior cats treatment for life (not fair really as we can live a lot longer now and some of us need medical treatment)...so if you feel generous and you want to help cats like Choo Choo to have a good old age you can donate by clicking here:

Also you can buy some of my own range of products, the Ozzy Superstar range here too:



Monday, 25 November 2019

Weekends can be really boring with two hoomins and a very long and strange kitten…

Here we are during our morning meeting....Tolkien I’d repeat again, you are not a SQUIRREL, now pay attention!
So another week has just passed and things didn’t improve a bit....Life with Tolkien is not getting any better of course as he is still very annoying and I am now totally convinced that he is not from around here...you know he is from another world as we discussed it last week...well, it is the only logic explanation I have for his peculiar behaviour...I mean sometimes he does try to be a normal kitten and behave like a cat but in most cases he is just failing badly, he doesn’t simply have it in him...he is not a cat that’s why of course.
But I do not just blame Tolkien for everything (even if he is not from around here)…as my hoomins are not any better really....not that they are from another planet or anything drastic like that...oh no, they are simply rather lazy and they don’t do much, especially at the weekends...I wonder though, are all hoomins the same? I hope not...not that I really mind when my hoomins are not doing much for the two days when they are at home all the time as I like it when they are around all day, as meowself and Tolkien we get a lot of attention and our food bowl is never empty as they are two of them and they are so easy to trick them to get extra food when your bowl is empty and you pretend that you haven’t eaten for hours and that you are at the brink of starvation...you only have to look at them with a very useful sad look and they would quickly feel sorry for you and fill up your bowl...well in most cases anyway and most definitely it doesn’t work when Tolkien try to convince them by meowing his head off...that’s annoying, seriously and it doesn’t work...my fellow cats out there know really well how to meow to hoomins if your want them to do your biding. You do no not meow as loud as you can to annoy them, you meow quietly, rather pathetically so they feel sorry for you...and not getting annoyed with you as I keep telling Tolkien but of course that kitten never listens to anything I try to teach him....

Anymeows where was I? Oh yes, how boring and lazy hoomins can be at the weekend and that laziness starts rubbing on meowself and Tolkien too...I mean I know that hoomins getting tired during the week when they go out (but then again, why do they go out after all, they should stay at home with us so they don’t get that tired) and therefore they want to rest over the two days they are at home...but not to that extend! And then they have to nerve to say that us cats are lazy...ha ha, look who is talking...hoomins are the worst.
They hardly do anything all weekend (well some weekends anyways), they don’t even try to keep Tolkien under some control...

Oh yes, back to Tolkien again...that little pest from another world, which world I don’t know yet but he is definitely not from around here...
You see, I was observing him all week and the weekend of course and his behaviour is definitely not one that it can be seen among kittens or cats in general of course.
I mean he has all these weird behaviours I was mentioning last week 
as well as new and recently developed ones such as a very peculiar taste in food...I mean what kind of kitten likes eating marmite for pity sake....marmite, that vile and horrible stuff that hoomins are spreading on their toasted bread? It smells and tastes horribly but Tolkien has become obsessed with it...he licks everything that has touched that horrible stuff and he even tries to eat the hoomins toast with that marmite stuff...I mean I thought that hoomins were weird when it came down to some of their eating habits but to see Tolkien sharing those bad habits...well, yeap it definitely confirms my previous assumptions that he is not really a kitten....he is a strange creature from out of space....plus the fact that he doesn’t like the taste of milk or cream or even ice cream....I mean you should have seen his face when he tasted milk....good grief, I’ve never believed that I would see a cat that dislikes milk so much until I met Tolkien....

He might be cute and cuddly and look like a kitten but trust me when I’m telling you that he is not!. Do not get fooled by that cute face, not a kitten!
Another bad habit that he has also developed is his new obsession of hiding things away…he has become a hoarder ....for which I blamed that silly squirrel outside which keeps coming on the bird feeder at the window and which Tolkien likes watching....and obviously now he thinks that he is also one as he is trying to hide things like his toys in his secret tunnel and he even tries to hide his food from me by attempting to cover it....not Tolkien you are not a squirrel...I don’t know what you are but I will figure it out in the end...

Anymeows better go now....before that strange creature named Tolkien attempts to hide my food again.

Purrs and meows till next time and be careful now with all these out of space very long and with many nipples creatures that pretend to be kittens!

Before I go though I would like to mention once again that my hoomins are trying to raise money to help older cats such like Choo Choo and Faith were with vet bills as their treatments can be very expensive since insurances don’t cover senior cats treatment for life (not fair really as we can live a lot longer now and some of us need medical treatment)...so if you feel generous and you want to help cats like Choo Choo to have a good old age you can donate by clicking here:

Also you can buy some of my own range of products, the Ozzy Superstar range here too:





Monday, 18 November 2019

Why a kitten might not be a kitten after all!

He is behind me, watching me...isn’t he?
It’s being quite a while now since Tolkien became a member of the family and during that time we had a lot of unfortunate situations and unruly behaviour to cope with as Tolkien has proved to be impossible to teach and for him to learn anything useful that is!

I don’t know if your remember way back at times when I was the only one in charge in our home of 3 other cats and 2 hoomins....when things were good and there was order and routine in our lives. Everybody knew their place and was behaving according to the rules. Then chaos came...yeap actual chaos…hmm good name for a certain kitten, I think, and everything got disorganised and has changed. 
Of course and unfortunately we’ve lost our oldest family members rather suddenly (not the hoomins of course...hoomins are not just old they are ancient really....but I guess it’s hoomins nature to be sooo much older than us....and by no means any wiser of course!) and hoomins felt the need to get me a companion so I wasn’t feeling lonely and got too spoiled (they’ve said) but boy did they choose the wrong one....Of course their argument has always been that it is a kitten after all and he is behaving like one...well, hoomins got it once again wrong....yes, Tolkien might have been and he still is a kitten and looks (loosely) like one but most definitely he doesn’t behave like one or has ever behaved like one? Well, of course I can’t say for certain how kittens are behaving when they are kittens as it has been a while, when meowself was a kitten (hey, not that long, I’m still quite young and there are a lot of similarities between meowself and a kitten but of course there aren’t any when it comes to Tolkien as he is not a kitten....as I’ve said it before). And this is the problem as I really don’t know what Tolkien is. I mean and since we have established that he is not a kitten I’m not sure what kind of creature he really is...he is not a hoomin of course even if at times he thinks he is....which is a good thing of course as hoomins can be sometimes so much worse than Tolkien to manage....he is not anything like those birdies outside either....well definitely he has no wings or feathers and beak and he doesn’t like eating seeds....yet as he has started developing some weird eating habits  as he seems to like some of that funny tasting hoomin food like marmite…yuk! He is not a fish...I don’t think that he can swim or he likes water and he is not whatever Grizzly is...nope too big to be a hamster, I think. So what is he? Well, if any of you know please let me know because all this time it really puzzles me and I can’t think of a creature category that I can place him...
You see he has developed these really strange habits and behaves in most peculiar ways…He likes high above the ground places and he is behaving like a bat (well still he is not hanging upside down from doors and cupboards, although parts of his body do seem to hang out a lot...especially his leg and tail) but hoomins say that he is definitely not a bat....no wings apparently....I’m not totally convinced though. Hey, hoomins maybe he is a monkey then....he has the long tail....no? Apparently he is not a monkey either...he doesn’t like bananas!
So if any of you out there have any ideas please tell me....He has become also very loud as well...did I mention this? I mean he does sound sometimes like he is meowing but he is so loud that this is not meowing is a loud deafening noise which works very well with hoomins who would do anything that he wants them to do so he can stop....Sometimes I wish I was that loud meowself you know, but I’m a considerate and modern cat who doesn’t use loud vocalisation to get the hoomins attention. I’ve just being meowself instead...cute and cuddly and hoomins can’t resist my charm and cuteness of course!
Tolkien is also very very long for a cat...too long some might say and when we are sitting by the window and looking outside and stretches at the window he really freaks the birdies outside with his long long body....he is unnaturally long for a cat...nothing like my small meowself of course (remember I’m cute and cuddly!).
Then there is his constant chasing and wanting to play or fight....non stop! He constantly harasses me to play with him and I don’t even get a moment’s peace....or I can find a place to hide...he would find me even when I’m under the bed or well hidden in the house and he would start bothering me so I can play with him...Sometimes I would pretend that I’m napping so he can leave me alone and that would work for a while as he would then bother the hoomins but they’d get bored or tired very quickly as well (remember they are ancient after all) and then he would come back to me again....as hoomins would then get away and escape by locking themselves in the office or leave home to go outside for sometime, which of course is not fair as I’d end up paying the price of trying to keep Tolkien entertained...no fair and no rest for me!

He might look cute and innocent...but don’t get fooled he is not what he seems to be!
I mean cats suppose to like snoozing and eating but not Tolkien of course because he is not a cat....he is a definitely some new species who looks like a kitten so hoomins got tricked and they thought that they were adopting a kitten when in fact they brought home an unidentified new which looks like a cat species....Hey do you think that Tolkien might be one of those aliens that hoomins are watching on that box or read about? 
Of course, now, everything seems to make sense....Tolkien is an alien after all, he is from out of space, naturally, that explains everything now!

Hmm better go now, I need to keep an eye on alien Tolkien, especially when he is eating so to find out whether he is an alien or not....the invasion it seems has started.

Purrs and meows till next time then!

Before I go though I would like to mention once again that my hoomins are trying to raise money to help older cats such like Choo Choo and Faith were with vet bills as their treatments can be very expensive since insurances don’t cover senior cats treatment for life (not fair really as we can live a lot longer now and some of us need medical treatment)...so if you feel generous and you want to help cats like Choo Choo to have a good old age you can donate by clicking here:

Also you can buy some of my own range of products, the Ozzy Superstar range here too:



Monday, 11 November 2019

The secret to surviving a kitten is…I wish I knew really!


No I’m not fat and round...it’s just the arm of the sofa and the way I’m resting that makes me look bigger than normal!

Well here we are again, another week has just passed and living with Tolkien is proving to be a living nightmare....seriously!

For starters Tolkien has become very demanding and loud for a kitten who, he shouldn’t know how to meow properly at his age....So he has discovered that hoomins can not resist his kitten (pathetic) voice and now he meows constantly at the hoomins who feel sorry for him and as result he ends up getting everything he wants, including getting his food first, attention all the time when hoomins are around and not getting into any trouble when he is being very very naughty!
Tolkien has become now almost impossible to have around as he has become indeed very naughty and doesn’t listen or pay attention to me or anybody else and because of his very kittish behaviour I’m getting into trouble as well....I mean he has become a destructive force so much now that hoomins have to keep him out of certain rooms especially the room that the hoomins call the office because the moment he gets in there he is bound to destroy something or at least knock things of their place, which of course it also means that I can’t get in there as well now too….grrr!
Wherever Tolkien goes these days you can clearly hear the sounds of crashing and banging as he has no sense of how to stop when he is running at full speed and avoid crashing into things....he is an uncontrolled small black bull, you know....
Then there is his other very annoying habit of always being everywhere you are and evenwhere you are thinking that you want to be next....I mean I go to my sofa in the living room and he is already there waiting for me to give him his grooming bath....(OK, it’s not only the hoomins that they might be spoiling him a bit....he might be getting some attention from me as well, he is still a big stoopid kitten after all), I try to go to my hammock and he is already there pretending to snooze, I climb on my boxes in the bedroom...yeap he is there as well....and of course he is always on the bed especially when hoomins are sleeping which makes it a bit of a crowded place with all of us together I mean hoomins are usually not very consider when it comes to their sleeping habits as they tend to take too much space on the bed and they don’t leave a lot room for us kitties to stretch our weary legs and paws...I mean you think that hoomins should know by now that when it comes to sleeping on the bed cats come first and then the hoomins of course.

Now and talking about Tolkien being everywhere at the same time (sometimes I do wonder how he manages to be in so many places at the same time....as this is something I could never do of course) which of course it can be very annoying he has also develop another bad habit of trying to take over of some of my own responsibilities such as helping the hoomins with their chores such as doing the bed (this of course used to be my job but now not that Tolkien is helping them I prefer to stay in the living room instead so I can catch up with my napping instead, at least some good can come out of this!). Of course and because he is still a kitten he can not help himself of doing things totally the wrong way....You see hoomins need assistant when they are doing the bed and not to play with Tolkien....he needs to learn to go undercover when hoomins are putting the bedsheets on the bed so to make sure that they are doing the job properly by taking their time instead of sitting on top and try to look cute....wrong, very wrong!

Yeap Tolkien is a bat, the only logic explanation for spending so much time on top of things!

Then there is this newest adventure of Tolkien, his new climbing habits, as now and wherever he sees a door or cupboards high up and close to the ceiling he would then attempt to climb on top (not always being successful of course as sometimes he tends to rush and as a result he will then miscalculate the distance and he’d end up on the door and not on top of it!). But of course this sudden unnatural obsession of Tolkien to be always on higher above the  ground places might have some deeper meaning and it might be behaving this way because there is something seriously wrong with him...for example and now that I’m thinking about it this unexplained and strange behaviour it could be because Tolkien is not really a cat, something that which of course would explain some of his bizarre behaviours and his inability to learn any cats skills. I actually think that he is a bat and not a cat and I bet you any cat treats that very soon he would start hanging upside down from these high places....Yeap I got the feeling that hoomins got a bat instead of a kitten....

Then of course there is also the very recent developed bad habit of Tolkien as well...as now he tends to eat most of his food and he only leaves some scraps for me to finish.....which of course is not right...he doesn’t need to eat that much after all...he should leave most of the food for me instead as I’m a grown up cat and I need more food than he does. You know something I think that Tolkien is conspiring with the hoomins against me. I believe that they have brainwashing him so to believe as well that I’m actually fat therefore I shouldn’t be allowed to eat his food. This is the only logical explanation after all that makes sense as I don’t really believe for a minute that Tolkien needs or wants all that food....those pesky hoomins are behind this new plot to keep me away from my fair share of food....pfft!

Anyway better go now...Tolkien might have left some scraps on his plate for me...

Purrs and meows till next time!

Before I go though I would like to mention once again that my hoomins are trying to raise money to help older cats such like Choo Choo and Faith were with vet bills as their treatments can be very expensive since insurances don’t cover senior cats treatment for life (not fair really as we can live a lot longer now and some of us need medical treatment)...so if you feel generous and you want to help cats like Choo Choo to have a good old age you can donate by clicking here:

Also you can buy some of my own range of products, the Ozzy Superstar range











Monday, 4 November 2019

Kittens are really really stupid...and there is Tolkien of course

Here I am, practising my hunting skills on these pesky drops...I’m getting better...no one would be able to escape me soon!
Well, I shouldn’t be saying this, after all kittens are small versions of us, cats, right? So really I shouldn’t be saying that they are really really stupid and even worse than hoomins at times but then again you don’t share your home with a kitten named Tolkien so you have no idea how bad thing are...at times!
You see, at first I was very willing to give him a chance, I’ve accepted him from the very start as part of the family and I even tried my hardest to try to teach him the basic rules of being a cat....But Tolkien is something else...not a kitten really or even some form of a hoomin. I mean he has all the characteristics of a small growing cat, ears, eyes, face, four legs, nice soft velvety fur and a long tail (some might say a bit too long perhaps) and thank god has none of the hoomins features. Well, you know what hoomins look like as they are quite ugly really but they do also have some vague characteristics that are some similar to ours such as eyes like us (peculiar colours though), weird dry most of the time ridiculously big noses, big mouth, teeth (which they don’t use very well), four legs, although their front ones are a bit deformed and they don’t use them at all for walking (how peculiar) and they can make noises like us at times but of course they have no proper soft fur or a tail (mostly peculiar, a species with no visible traces of some form of a tail at all....).
But enough about how weird looking hoomins really are as and at least they have some purpose when it comes to our needs but Tolkien on the other hand, well, he doesn’t seem to fit to any categories of species I can think of...because he is so stupid and everything he does, is wrong!
I mean everybody knows that this time of the year hoomins usually exhibit some of their weird behaviours which means that they do a lot of different things so to ‘celebrate’ what they call holidays such as Halloween and Fireworks night....
On Halloween night they’ll  take a weird looking orange vegetable which they call pumpkin and then they’ll mutilate it by curving weird faces on it which they think they look scary for some bizarre reason...(my hoomins like to curve cat faces on them for some even more bizarre reason...they are not very good at it anymeows). They then tend to put that ugly by now pumpkin at the window for a few hours with a lit candle inside so it looks kinda scary (well I told you hoomins are weird)....As I’ve said it is weird but it doesn’t really bother me...Of course as it is my duty I’d check it first to make sure it is safe and that there is no food hidden inside (you know those pesky hoomins how they like to hide food in strange places) and also to see how silly and not scary it looks and then I’d forget about it as and in general it doesn’t bother me at all, unlikely Tolkien of course. You see, being still a kitten, this was his first Halloween and pumpkin experience and he didn’t like it at all. I mean I’ve never known a cat to be so afraid of a vegetable and to freak out by just looking at it and to even scratch the hoomin that was holding him because he was soooo scared of a vegetable....I mean the whole things was soooo funny! A black cat to be afraid of Halloween....hilarious! He was hissing and meowing at the pumpkin that hoomins and meowself thought at first that he had seen another cat outside, not that he was meowing and growling at the not so scary pumpkin!  Only Tolkien could be afraid of a orange vegetable, a harmless silly looking pumpkin and not of the noise fireworks outside....Not that they bother me either but I won’t sit by the window to watch these noisy lights moving around outside constantly....what for? What is the purpose of these noisy fireworks really other than disturbing my snoozing....pfft!
Anymeows back to Tolkien again who has now discovered another door for climbing the one in the living room and so he decided to perch up there this weekend as he was kept falling and missing the door in the bedroom....such a silly, very very stupid kitten, really!
Here he is again....stuck once again at the top of another door...oh hoomin is Tolkien again...at the door!
I really despair with him and I don’t know what to do with him....I have to just leave him to the hoomins....I had more than enough and my patience has now worn out....unless he starts showing some signs of intelligence I don’t want to have anything to do with him....unless of course I’m bored and need a little bit of exercise as he is the only one available at the moment....although again he doesn’t get the message at night time when I call him to play and when hoomins are asleep....no matter how hard I try to call him he just ignores me....he doesn’t seem to understand that it is playing time when hoomins are asleep....hopeless really!

Better go now dinner time you see and Tolkien is fast asleep again!

Purrs and meows till next time!

Before I go though I would like to mention once again that my hoomins are trying to raise money to help older cats such like Choo Choo and Faith were with vet bills as their treatments can be very expensive since insurances don’t cover senior cats treatment for life (not fair really as we can live a lot longer now and some of us need medical treatment)...so if you feel generous and you want to help cats like Choo Choo to have a good old age you can donate by clicking here:

Also you can buy some of my own range of products, the Ozzy Superstar range here too:



Monday, 28 October 2019

Hoomins are really bad at learning anything...they are worse than Tolkien it seems!


Nope, we are not sharing....as long as he can keep his distance he can stay on my scratching post....
Well, another week has just passed and still I haven’t made any progress with Tolkien.... but at least now he has learned how to jump off the top of the door without hoomin assistance! I guess that is something positive....he is doing something on his own but he still makes a lot of racket when he jumps back on the unit...the whole place shakes like there has been an earthquake....I’m surprised the neighbours are not complaining or that we haven’t made the local news for the locally frequent tremors that do occur. But I guess he would end up getting bored with this new game soon enough...let’s hope of course that is sooner than later before he destroys the door or he...misses it!

But today I’m not going to complain about Tolkien....much, he is a kitten after all and he has no common-sense of brain it seems so to be held responsible for any of his actions....instead I would like to express my great annoyance with my hoomins and all the other hoomins out there of course as probably they are all the same! After all it is their fault, everything that it has happened from the moment they brought Tolkien home....First of all they’ve managed to find the kitten with no brain to bring home and secondly they’ve also decided to let him get away with everything just because he is young and stupid. I mean how is this really possible? Logic tells you that he would have been the one who gets blamed for everything and not the one who gets excused while the older and wiser cat gets blamed for some of things that he actually has done.....but again hoomins doing things the wrong way as always!
Then it is also the fact that often they don’t do the things they say they’d do....always going back on their word. Today for example Tolkien was supposedly going to see the vet for the big visit...hee hee (poor Tolkien) so I had really big hopes for the return of a different, changed Tolkien (you know....when there is sudden change of purrsonalities because of a certain procedure.....) and although I was feeling sorry for the little guy (well kinda...we all have been there when we were younger after all) but and at the same time I was looking forward to a few hours of being at home all on meowown without being constantly pestered by a kitten....So naturally and because hoomins were taking care of things nothing really happened. I mean he did visit the vet but nothing did happen...he had to stay off his food overnight of course.....poor Tolkien....I was surely thinking of him while I was having my breakfast and he was waiting expectedly from the hoomins to get his own breakfast....which of course it never happened....instead he ended up in the cat basket (well, he did get in on his own accord  after all and without any hoomin assistance....such a stupid kitten, going willingly to his own demise....pfft!) Of course and when he eventually realised and after the hoomin closed the basket door that he was going outside on an unfamiliar place he wasn’t very happy at all and made a lot of noises and attempts to escape....in vein of course! But because hoomins are not very clever themselves there was a mix up with the vet so Tolkien came back home without even actually seeing the vet....all this fuss and stress was really for nothing and my little break away from Tolkien lasted less than an hour....pfft hoomins, they can’t do anything right...
Of course this is one of the many examples of how hoomins are not very good in doing things properly...they are also very hard to train as well (even more difficult than Tolkien it seems if you believe it...) and to even understand basic given instructions....I mean I have been trying my hardest for the past few days to teach them to follow me in the kitchen when they come home from work so to fill up the bowls which they are of course empty and they don’t seem to be able to understand what they are supposed to do….very simple….just follow the cat as he shows you the way to the kitchen…Hoomins is not that complicated.....When a cat shows you the way you just follow and do what you are supposed to do, you fill up the empty bowls...very very simple! Three times I had to go to the kitchen and come back till hoomins finally got the message and decided to do what they are supposed to do....which it is of course the first thing they are supposed to do when they come home, to  feed the cats, well meowself first of course, Tolkien can always wait...he is still quite young.
Yeap...he is that stupid....he likes marmite, he would even steal hoomins toast  if he gets the chance...stoopid kittten!

How difficult is for hoomins to understand....phew! You know something, I think it might be better if I change my method of training with hoomins...I think I need to start using some form of vocalization...I know it’s very backwards, primitive behaviour for us cats that we have now evolved to such intelligent species who they don’t need to shout or meow to each other anymore but it might be the only possible way for them hoomins to understand! Yeap a few loud meows or more kitten meows like Tolkien does might do the trick after all! Such a hard work these hoomins!

Better go now....Tolkien is still recovering from this morning’s traumatic experience (yeah right hoomins, don’t fall for his pathetic excuse, he only went for a small walk, he didn’t even get out of the basket) and hoomins feel rather guilty....opportunity here for extra treats and top ups for meowself I thinkz!                                               



Purrs and meows till next time!

Before I go though I would like to mention once again that my hoomins are trying to raise money to help older cats such like Choo Choo and Faith were with vet bills as their treatments can be very expensive since insurances don’t cover senior cats treatment for life (not fair really as we can live a lot longer now and some of us need medical treatment)...so if you feel generous and you want to help cats like Choo Choo to have a good old age you can donate by clicking here:

Also you can buy some of my own range of products, the Ozzy Superstar range here too:




Monday, 21 October 2019

Why kittens can easily make your life a constant nightmare...

Keeping an eye on Tolkien so he doesn’t get into anymore mischief!

Once upon a time there was a happy cat, named Ozzy (meowself of course) who was living in a nice home with 3 other older cats and his two hoomins, who were the best purrsonal servants a cat like meowself could have wished for. Then and rather suddenly things. changed. Suddenly Ozzy wasn’t the youngest cat anymore, he had become instead the oldest one and there was a new kitten who hoomins apparently have adopted so for Ozzy to have some company, they’ve said, so not to be all alone when they weren’t around, they’ve said and to also to stop him from becoming very dependent and spoiled by the hoomins, they’ve said....and this is where the fairy tale ends for poor me and the nightmare begins!

So Tolkien had arrived and he was as you’d have expected from a kitten quite small and cute, as hoomins were kept saying and of course also, all new and ready and keen to learn how to be a cat from the expert and well qualified cat...meowself of course! Because I’m also a very kind, considerate, friendly, very tolerant (especially when it comes to hoomins and their many faults), easy going cat, qualities of mine which of course I know that you are very familiar with by now, I’ve easily accepted the small kitten and welcomed him into my home and started teaching him how to be a cat and how to annoy the hoomins when he wants something without getting into any trouble, as he had become my responsibility after all!
But of course and as you already know by now, Tolkien proved to be so far not the easiest or brightest kitten to teach anything useful....he has always been far too excitable, forgetful and also has become quite attached to hoomins and to prefer most of the time to be around them and not so keen on learning anything that a cat would need to know….(I don’t mean anything pointless like hunting small creatures or even flies and spiders which of course and for some strange reason have become Tolkien’s little hobby….)

I mean I have tried for so many weeks now to teach him the basics that any good cat should know but he is really really hopeless and in particular when it comes to playing (especially when he tries to hide or when is is supposed to find me or even try to catch and don’t let me start with his non-existent fighting skills….soooo bad!). He has also become a little thief as he likes stealing my favourite sleeping posts in the house and not paying any attention to me when I’m asking him to move from those spots and very very careless and extremely demanding and now also vocal when he wants something from the hoomins (mostly food and to play with....) which annoyingly seem to work with them, while they totally ignore me when I’m demanding attention….because I’m not small and cute anymore and I should also know better apparently!
He has now started developing really bad habits such as climbing in really high places such as the top of the kitchen cupboards and the top of the bedroom door....which of course it wouldn’t be the worst thing a kitten would do as kittens are quite agile, reckless and mostly stupid of course but then again he tends to find himself stuck up there and in need of hoomin assistance to get down....Hoomins spent the whole weekend getting him down from the door frequently and they weren’t very happy about it (they should have left him there for a while so that we all could have had a little peace and quiet time I say!). So did Tolkien learnt his lesson? Of course not....I mean what is the appeal at the top of the door? It’s a long long way up, and there is hardly enough space to move about let alone sit there...so why a cat, even a stupid kitten like Tolkien would want to jump up there? 
You won’t see me up there or even contemplating something that stupid....I prefer instead the safety of the sofa and the occasional thrill of jumping on the kitchen tops....At least there you have more chances of finding something tasty to  eat as hoomins tend to leave plates, trays or bowls in many occasions for me to clean for them and of course you can easily get to the kitchen sink as well for some drop hunting....That’s high enough for me....thank you! Of course this has nothing to do with age or me being too fat to try and climb that high, nonsense...it’s all about being responsible and not attempt to jump on places that they are far too high above ground and get stuck there and need hoomins assistance to get down…far too high for any cat with a bit of sense I should think!

Yeap, on top of the door again...can’t get down...oh hoomin it’s Tolkien again!

Now and of course every time that Tolkien does something stupid and dangerous like attempting to climb up in very high places and despite the fact that he is actually stupid, he is after all part of the family now and naturally I’m worried about him...this is the reason of course of me following him around all the time as I’m trying to keep an eye on him and to also protect him from things that they can harm him...like small enclosed boxes for example which might be far too small for him to fit in....I do not try to copy him of course just try to help him from getting to any more trouble and annoy the hoomins of course!

So and as you see it can be bad for a cat like meowself looking after a kitten like Tolkien  who he seems that he always gets into some sort of trouble...so I’ve always have to keep an eye on him, which can be so stressful at times....

So and as as far it has been a rather stressful day I think it is about time for me to have a little snack break...Tolkien is fast asleep on the sofa and he is not wandering around so this is the purrfect opportunity for me to check that the bowls are full again!

So till next time purrs and meows

Before I go though I would like to mention once again that my hoomins are trying to raise money to help older cats such like Choo Choo and Faith were with vet bills as their treatments can be very expensive since insurances don’t cover senior cats treatment for life (not fair really as we can live a lot longer now and some of us need medical treatment)...so if you feel generous and you want to help cats like Choo Choo to have a good old age you can donate by clicking here:

Also you can buy some of my own range of products, the Ozzy Superstar range here too:


Monday, 14 October 2019

Kittens can pick up bad habits very easily (and it is hoomins fault!)



My hammock...see? I fit purrfectly!

Let me make one thing clear I have nothing against kittens (and especially Tolkien), they are our future after all (and I mean us, cats, of course) and we need to take care of them and teach them the right ways of the cat life of course! 

But naturally there are the occasions where kitten training can go very wrong, especially when there are hoomins involved, you know when they do get interfere and they try to teach kittens how to become cats....like they know themselves how to be a cat....of course they don’t know anything, they haven’t the slightest idea!

So for the past few weeks and since Tolkien has arrived I have been trying my hardest to teach him how to be a proper cat and I know of course that he is still very young and gets easily distracted and influenced by those hoomins but still there are times when it seems almost impossible to teach him to do anything… right! How on earth he is ever going to learn to be a proper cat when everything he learns is wrong and everything he does is always the opposite of what I’m trying to teach him? Sometimes I think that he is such a loss cause and that I should give up and leave the hoomins to take over completely, which of course it would be a total disaster....hoomins teaching a kitten how to be a cat, unheard of! What a preposterous idea! An utterly disaster!

The main problem with Tolkien is that he doesn’t listen or pay attention to what you are telling him...I mean he is not supposed of course to listen what the hoomins are telling him but he needs to learn nevertheless to listen to what I’m telling him....not to totally ignoring me and to think that everything is a game and it is OK for him to play with everything....including my precious tail, which is not a game of course! Tolkien you are not supposed to play with MY TAIL all the time....cats tails are not a toy like hoomins hands and feet where you can scratch, lick and bite them whenever you feel like...I mean he has now developed this big obsession with my tail which it doesn’t really make sense...he would always be there behind me playing with my tail...You know and like most cats I do love my tail and I do take good care of it and I don’t leave it on purpose in front of the hoomins feet to trip them over or I would try to trick them so they can fall over in their attempt to avoid stepping on it....because I really really like my tail...Now Tolkien doesn’t think a lot of his...always leaving in front of hoomins’ feet when they are not looking  and he doesn’t even like playing with it...well it is a bit long for his size but still he should take better care of it instead of being always preoccupied with mine...the many times I have told him to leave it alone and he has ignored me....frustrating to say at least, he doesn’t listen to reason or to my paws whacking at him!

So stubborn...he won’t listen, leave my tail alone or it would be trouble!

Then there is the other very bad habit that he has also developed…the stealing of my favourite snoozing spots...especially my little hammock by the window....by the way do not pay any attention  to what the hoomins are saying....I have not abandoned the hammock because it is too small for me or that I don’t really fit in there anymore...all nonsense, hoomin propaganda and lies! I’m not fat and it has always been my favourite place, no matter what hoomins might be saying...It’s not true that Tolkien started using it because I had abandoned it and that when I saw him using it then I’ve decided once again that I wanted to use it for snoozing as well....of course not, I didn’t get jealous or anything of that sort! Tolkien simply took over, moved there without my permission....he’s now stolen my favourite snoozing spot and he simply refuses to give it back and hoomins, to make things worse, are taking his side because they believe that apparently I’m too big to sleep there anymore, pfft! So absurd...it is my hammock and I want it back and I do fit as purrfectly as I’ve used to....besides the whole scratching platform it’s mine and I don’t feel like sharing it with anybody, especially Tolkien since he likes stealing my favourite places and then refuses to move when he’s asked to do so nicely.....Such bad habits....he should learn not only to listen to me but also to show some respect....stealing is bad Tolkien, this isn’t something that cats do….well, most of the times anyway!

You won’t see me stealing stuff from hoomins or Tolkien (after all most of his stuff are used to be mine anyway....I’m simply letting him have them because I feel sorry for him!). 

Anymeows better go now....time to check some food bowls...especially Tolkien’s, it’s probably still quite full....by the way this is not stealing....it is just making sure that food is not get wasted....


Purrs and meows till next time!

Before I go though I would like to mention once again that my hoomins are trying to raise money to help older cats such like Choo Choo and Faith were with vet bills as their treatments can be very expensive since insurances don’t cover senior cats treatment for life (not fair really as we can live a lot longer now and some of us need medical treatment)...so if you feel generous and you want to help cats like Choo Choo to have a good old age you can donate by clicking here:

Also you can buy some of my own range of products, the Ozzy Superstar range here too:



An unexpected visit to the vet...Tolkien is not the same kitten anymore....

Well, he does smell kinda funny after all...but then again he is Tolkien and he smells like an annoying kitten Well last week was defin...