Monday, 11 November 2019

The secret to surviving a kitten is…I wish I knew really!


No I’m not fat and round...it’s just the arm of the sofa and the way I’m resting that makes me look bigger than normal!

Well here we are again, another week has just passed and living with Tolkien is proving to be a living nightmare....seriously!

For starters Tolkien has become very demanding and loud for a kitten who, he shouldn’t know how to meow properly at his age....So he has discovered that hoomins can not resist his kitten (pathetic) voice and now he meows constantly at the hoomins who feel sorry for him and as result he ends up getting everything he wants, including getting his food first, attention all the time when hoomins are around and not getting into any trouble when he is being very very naughty!
Tolkien has become now almost impossible to have around as he has become indeed very naughty and doesn’t listen or pay attention to me or anybody else and because of his very kittish behaviour I’m getting into trouble as well....I mean he has become a destructive force so much now that hoomins have to keep him out of certain rooms especially the room that the hoomins call the office because the moment he gets in there he is bound to destroy something or at least knock things of their place, which of course it also means that I can’t get in there as well now too….grrr!
Wherever Tolkien goes these days you can clearly hear the sounds of crashing and banging as he has no sense of how to stop when he is running at full speed and avoid crashing into things....he is an uncontrolled small black bull, you know....
Then there is his other very annoying habit of always being everywhere you are and evenwhere you are thinking that you want to be next....I mean I go to my sofa in the living room and he is already there waiting for me to give him his grooming bath....(OK, it’s not only the hoomins that they might be spoiling him a bit....he might be getting some attention from me as well, he is still a big stoopid kitten after all), I try to go to my hammock and he is already there pretending to snooze, I climb on my boxes in the bedroom...yeap he is there as well....and of course he is always on the bed especially when hoomins are sleeping which makes it a bit of a crowded place with all of us together I mean hoomins are usually not very consider when it comes to their sleeping habits as they tend to take too much space on the bed and they don’t leave a lot room for us kitties to stretch our weary legs and paws...I mean you think that hoomins should know by now that when it comes to sleeping on the bed cats come first and then the hoomins of course.

Now and talking about Tolkien being everywhere at the same time (sometimes I do wonder how he manages to be in so many places at the same time....as this is something I could never do of course) which of course it can be very annoying he has also develop another bad habit of trying to take over of some of my own responsibilities such as helping the hoomins with their chores such as doing the bed (this of course used to be my job but now not that Tolkien is helping them I prefer to stay in the living room instead so I can catch up with my napping instead, at least some good can come out of this!). Of course and because he is still a kitten he can not help himself of doing things totally the wrong way....You see hoomins need assistant when they are doing the bed and not to play with Tolkien....he needs to learn to go undercover when hoomins are putting the bedsheets on the bed so to make sure that they are doing the job properly by taking their time instead of sitting on top and try to look cute....wrong, very wrong!

Yeap Tolkien is a bat, the only logic explanation for spending so much time on top of things!

Then there is this newest adventure of Tolkien, his new climbing habits, as now and wherever he sees a door or cupboards high up and close to the ceiling he would then attempt to climb on top (not always being successful of course as sometimes he tends to rush and as a result he will then miscalculate the distance and he’d end up on the door and not on top of it!). But of course this sudden unnatural obsession of Tolkien to be always on higher above the  ground places might have some deeper meaning and it might be behaving this way because there is something seriously wrong with him...for example and now that I’m thinking about it this unexplained and strange behaviour it could be because Tolkien is not really a cat, something that which of course would explain some of his bizarre behaviours and his inability to learn any cats skills. I actually think that he is a bat and not a cat and I bet you any cat treats that very soon he would start hanging upside down from these high places....Yeap I got the feeling that hoomins got a bat instead of a kitten....

Then of course there is also the very recent developed bad habit of Tolkien as well...as now he tends to eat most of his food and he only leaves some scraps for me to finish.....which of course is not right...he doesn’t need to eat that much after all...he should leave most of the food for me instead as I’m a grown up cat and I need more food than he does. You know something I think that Tolkien is conspiring with the hoomins against me. I believe that they have brainwashing him so to believe as well that I’m actually fat therefore I shouldn’t be allowed to eat his food. This is the only logical explanation after all that makes sense as I don’t really believe for a minute that Tolkien needs or wants all that food....those pesky hoomins are behind this new plot to keep me away from my fair share of food....pfft!

Anyway better go now...Tolkien might have left some scraps on his plate for me...

Purrs and meows till next time!

Before I go though I would like to mention once again that my hoomins are trying to raise money to help older cats such like Choo Choo and Faith were with vet bills as their treatments can be very expensive since insurances don’t cover senior cats treatment for life (not fair really as we can live a lot longer now and some of us need medical treatment)...so if you feel generous and you want to help cats like Choo Choo to have a good old age you can donate by clicking here:

Also you can buy some of my own range of products, the Ozzy Superstar range











Monday, 4 November 2019

Kittens are really really stupid...and there is Tolkien of course

Here I am, practising my hunting skills on these pesky drops...I’m getting better...no one would be able to escape me soon!
Well, I shouldn’t be saying this, after all kittens are small versions of us, cats, right? So really I shouldn’t be saying that they are really really stupid and even worse than hoomins at times but then again you don’t share your home with a kitten named Tolkien so you have no idea how bad thing are...at times!
You see, at first I was very willing to give him a chance, I’ve accepted him from the very start as part of the family and I even tried my hardest to try to teach him the basic rules of being a cat....But Tolkien is something else...not a kitten really or even some form of a hoomin. I mean he has all the characteristics of a small growing cat, ears, eyes, face, four legs, nice soft velvety fur and a long tail (some might say a bit too long perhaps) and thank god has none of the hoomins features. Well, you know what hoomins look like as they are quite ugly really but they do also have some vague characteristics that are some similar to ours such as eyes like us (peculiar colours though), weird dry most of the time ridiculously big noses, big mouth, teeth (which they don’t use very well), four legs, although their front ones are a bit deformed and they don’t use them at all for walking (how peculiar) and they can make noises like us at times but of course they have no proper soft fur or a tail (mostly peculiar, a species with no visible traces of some form of a tail at all....).
But enough about how weird looking hoomins really are as and at least they have some purpose when it comes to our needs but Tolkien on the other hand, well, he doesn’t seem to fit to any categories of species I can think of...because he is so stupid and everything he does, is wrong!
I mean everybody knows that this time of the year hoomins usually exhibit some of their weird behaviours which means that they do a lot of different things so to ‘celebrate’ what they call holidays such as Halloween and Fireworks night....
On Halloween night they’ll  take a weird looking orange vegetable which they call pumpkin and then they’ll mutilate it by curving weird faces on it which they think they look scary for some bizarre reason...(my hoomins like to curve cat faces on them for some even more bizarre reason...they are not very good at it anymeows). They then tend to put that ugly by now pumpkin at the window for a few hours with a lit candle inside so it looks kinda scary (well I told you hoomins are weird)....As I’ve said it is weird but it doesn’t really bother me...Of course as it is my duty I’d check it first to make sure it is safe and that there is no food hidden inside (you know those pesky hoomins how they like to hide food in strange places) and also to see how silly and not scary it looks and then I’d forget about it as and in general it doesn’t bother me at all, unlikely Tolkien of course. You see, being still a kitten, this was his first Halloween and pumpkin experience and he didn’t like it at all. I mean I’ve never known a cat to be so afraid of a vegetable and to freak out by just looking at it and to even scratch the hoomin that was holding him because he was soooo scared of a vegetable....I mean the whole things was soooo funny! A black cat to be afraid of Halloween....hilarious! He was hissing and meowing at the pumpkin that hoomins and meowself thought at first that he had seen another cat outside, not that he was meowing and growling at the not so scary pumpkin!  Only Tolkien could be afraid of a orange vegetable, a harmless silly looking pumpkin and not of the noise fireworks outside....Not that they bother me either but I won’t sit by the window to watch these noisy lights moving around outside constantly....what for? What is the purpose of these noisy fireworks really other than disturbing my snoozing....pfft!
Anymeows back to Tolkien again who has now discovered another door for climbing the one in the living room and so he decided to perch up there this weekend as he was kept falling and missing the door in the bedroom....such a silly, very very stupid kitten, really!
Here he is again....stuck once again at the top of another door...oh hoomin is Tolkien again...at the door!
I really despair with him and I don’t know what to do with him....I have to just leave him to the hoomins....I had more than enough and my patience has now worn out....unless he starts showing some signs of intelligence I don’t want to have anything to do with him....unless of course I’m bored and need a little bit of exercise as he is the only one available at the moment....although again he doesn’t get the message at night time when I call him to play and when hoomins are asleep....no matter how hard I try to call him he just ignores me....he doesn’t seem to understand that it is playing time when hoomins are asleep....hopeless really!

Better go now dinner time you see and Tolkien is fast asleep again!

Purrs and meows till next time!

Before I go though I would like to mention once again that my hoomins are trying to raise money to help older cats such like Choo Choo and Faith were with vet bills as their treatments can be very expensive since insurances don’t cover senior cats treatment for life (not fair really as we can live a lot longer now and some of us need medical treatment)...so if you feel generous and you want to help cats like Choo Choo to have a good old age you can donate by clicking here:

Also you can buy some of my own range of products, the Ozzy Superstar range here too:



The secret to surviving a kitten is…I wish I knew really!

No I’m not fat and round...it’s just the arm of the sofa and the way I’m resting that makes me look bigger than normal! Well here w...