Life with Ozzy and.. Tolkien

Life with Ozzy and.. Tolkien
The misadventures of Ozzy and Tolkien at home

Monday, 25 November 2019

Weekends can be really boring with two hoomins and a very long and strange kitten…

Here we are during our morning meeting....Tolkien I’d repeat again, you are not a SQUIRREL, now pay attention!
So another week has just passed and things didn’t improve a bit....Life with Tolkien is not getting any better of course as he is still very annoying and I am now totally convinced that he is not from around here...you know he is from another world as we discussed it last week...well, it is the only logic explanation I have for his peculiar behaviour...I mean sometimes he does try to be a normal kitten and behave like a cat but in most cases he is just failing badly, he doesn’t simply have it in him...he is not a cat that’s why of course.
But I do not just blame Tolkien for everything (even if he is not from around here)…as my hoomins are not any better really....not that they are from another planet or anything drastic like that...oh no, they are simply rather lazy and they don’t do much, especially at the weekends...I wonder though, are all hoomins the same? I hope not...not that I really mind when my hoomins are not doing much for the two days when they are at home all the time as I like it when they are around all day, as meowself and Tolkien we get a lot of attention and our food bowl is never empty as they are two of them and they are so easy to trick them to get extra food when your bowl is empty and you pretend that you haven’t eaten for hours and that you are at the brink of starvation...you only have to look at them with a very useful sad look and they would quickly feel sorry for you and fill up your bowl...well in most cases anyway and most definitely it doesn’t work when Tolkien try to convince them by meowing his head off...that’s annoying, seriously and it doesn’t work...my fellow cats out there know really well how to meow to hoomins if your want them to do your biding. You do no not meow as loud as you can to annoy them, you meow quietly, rather pathetically so they feel sorry for you...and not getting annoyed with you as I keep telling Tolkien but of course that kitten never listens to anything I try to teach him....

Anymeows where was I? Oh yes, how boring and lazy hoomins can be at the weekend and that laziness starts rubbing on meowself and Tolkien too...I mean I know that hoomins getting tired during the week when they go out (but then again, why do they go out after all, they should stay at home with us so they don’t get that tired) and therefore they want to rest over the two days they are at home...but not to that extend! And then they have to nerve to say that us cats are lazy...ha ha, look who is talking...hoomins are the worst.
They hardly do anything all weekend (well some weekends anyways), they don’t even try to keep Tolkien under some control...

Oh yes, back to Tolkien again...that little pest from another world, which world I don’t know yet but he is definitely not from around here...
You see, I was observing him all week and the weekend of course and his behaviour is definitely not one that it can be seen among kittens or cats in general of course.
I mean he has all these weird behaviours I was mentioning last week 
as well as new and recently developed ones such as a very peculiar taste in food...I mean what kind of kitten likes eating marmite for pity sake....marmite, that vile and horrible stuff that hoomins are spreading on their toasted bread? It smells and tastes horribly but Tolkien has become obsessed with it...he licks everything that has touched that horrible stuff and he even tries to eat the hoomins toast with that marmite stuff...I mean I thought that hoomins were weird when it came down to some of their eating habits but to see Tolkien sharing those bad habits...well, yeap it definitely confirms my previous assumptions that he is not really a kitten....he is a strange creature from out of space....plus the fact that he doesn’t like the taste of milk or cream or even ice cream....I mean you should have seen his face when he tasted milk....good grief, I’ve never believed that I would see a cat that dislikes milk so much until I met Tolkien....

He might be cute and cuddly and look like a kitten but trust me when I’m telling you that he is not!. Do not get fooled by that cute face, not a kitten!
Another bad habit that he has also developed is his new obsession of hiding things away…he has become a hoarder ....for which I blamed that silly squirrel outside which keeps coming on the bird feeder at the window and which Tolkien likes watching....and obviously now he thinks that he is also one as he is trying to hide things like his toys in his secret tunnel and he even tries to hide his food from me by attempting to cover it....not Tolkien you are not a squirrel...I don’t know what you are but I will figure it out in the end...

Anymeows better go now....before that strange creature named Tolkien attempts to hide my food again.

Purrs and meows till next time and be careful now with all these out of space very long and with many nipples creatures that pretend to be kittens!

Before I go though I would like to mention once again that my hoomins are trying to raise money to help older cats such like Choo Choo and Faith were with vet bills as their treatments can be very expensive since insurances don’t cover senior cats treatment for life (not fair really as we can live a lot longer now and some of us need medical treatment)...so if you feel generous and you want to help cats like Choo Choo to have a good old age you can donate by clicking here:

Also you can buy some of my own range of products, the Ozzy Superstar range here too:





Monday, 18 November 2019

Why a kitten might not be a kitten after all!

He is behind me, watching me...isn’t he?
It’s being quite a while now since Tolkien became a member of the family and during that time we had a lot of unfortunate situations and unruly behaviour to cope with as Tolkien has proved to be impossible to teach and for him to learn anything useful that is!

I don’t know if your remember way back at times when I was the only one in charge in our home of 3 other cats and 2 hoomins....when things were good and there was order and routine in our lives. Everybody knew their place and was behaving according to the rules. Then chaos came...yeap actual chaos…hmm good name for a certain kitten, I think, and everything got disorganised and has changed. 
Of course and unfortunately we’ve lost our oldest family members rather suddenly (not the hoomins of course...hoomins are not just old they are ancient really....but I guess it’s hoomins nature to be sooo much older than us....and by no means any wiser of course!) and hoomins felt the need to get me a companion so I wasn’t feeling lonely and got too spoiled (they’ve said) but boy did they choose the wrong one....Of course their argument has always been that it is a kitten after all and he is behaving like one...well, hoomins got it once again wrong....yes, Tolkien might have been and he still is a kitten and looks (loosely) like one but most definitely he doesn’t behave like one or has ever behaved like one? Well, of course I can’t say for certain how kittens are behaving when they are kittens as it has been a while, when meowself was a kitten (hey, not that long, I’m still quite young and there are a lot of similarities between meowself and a kitten but of course there aren’t any when it comes to Tolkien as he is not a kitten....as I’ve said it before). And this is the problem as I really don’t know what Tolkien is. I mean and since we have established that he is not a kitten I’m not sure what kind of creature he really is...he is not a hoomin of course even if at times he thinks he is....which is a good thing of course as hoomins can be sometimes so much worse than Tolkien to manage....he is not anything like those birdies outside either....well definitely he has no wings or feathers and beak and he doesn’t like eating seeds....yet as he has started developing some weird eating habits  as he seems to like some of that funny tasting hoomin food like marmite…yuk! He is not a fish...I don’t think that he can swim or he likes water and he is not whatever Grizzly is...nope too big to be a hamster, I think. So what is he? Well, if any of you know please let me know because all this time it really puzzles me and I can’t think of a creature category that I can place him...
You see he has developed these really strange habits and behaves in most peculiar ways…He likes high above the ground places and he is behaving like a bat (well still he is not hanging upside down from doors and cupboards, although parts of his body do seem to hang out a lot...especially his leg and tail) but hoomins say that he is definitely not a bat....no wings apparently....I’m not totally convinced though. Hey, hoomins maybe he is a monkey then....he has the long tail....no? Apparently he is not a monkey either...he doesn’t like bananas!
So if any of you out there have any ideas please tell me....He has become also very loud as well...did I mention this? I mean he does sound sometimes like he is meowing but he is so loud that this is not meowing is a loud deafening noise which works very well with hoomins who would do anything that he wants them to do so he can stop....Sometimes I wish I was that loud meowself you know, but I’m a considerate and modern cat who doesn’t use loud vocalisation to get the hoomins attention. I’ve just being meowself instead...cute and cuddly and hoomins can’t resist my charm and cuteness of course!
Tolkien is also very very long for a cat...too long some might say and when we are sitting by the window and looking outside and stretches at the window he really freaks the birdies outside with his long long body....he is unnaturally long for a cat...nothing like my small meowself of course (remember I’m cute and cuddly!).
Then there is his constant chasing and wanting to play or fight....non stop! He constantly harasses me to play with him and I don’t even get a moment’s peace....or I can find a place to hide...he would find me even when I’m under the bed or well hidden in the house and he would start bothering me so I can play with him...Sometimes I would pretend that I’m napping so he can leave me alone and that would work for a while as he would then bother the hoomins but they’d get bored or tired very quickly as well (remember they are ancient after all) and then he would come back to me again....as hoomins would then get away and escape by locking themselves in the office or leave home to go outside for sometime, which of course is not fair as I’d end up paying the price of trying to keep Tolkien entertained...no fair and no rest for me!

He might look cute and innocent...but don’t get fooled he is not what he seems to be!
I mean cats suppose to like snoozing and eating but not Tolkien of course because he is not a cat....he is a definitely some new species who looks like a kitten so hoomins got tricked and they thought that they were adopting a kitten when in fact they brought home an unidentified new which looks like a cat species....Hey do you think that Tolkien might be one of those aliens that hoomins are watching on that box or read about? 
Of course, now, everything seems to make sense....Tolkien is an alien after all, he is from out of space, naturally, that explains everything now!

Hmm better go now, I need to keep an eye on alien Tolkien, especially when he is eating so to find out whether he is an alien or not....the invasion it seems has started.

Purrs and meows till next time then!

Before I go though I would like to mention once again that my hoomins are trying to raise money to help older cats such like Choo Choo and Faith were with vet bills as their treatments can be very expensive since insurances don’t cover senior cats treatment for life (not fair really as we can live a lot longer now and some of us need medical treatment)...so if you feel generous and you want to help cats like Choo Choo to have a good old age you can donate by clicking here:

Also you can buy some of my own range of products, the Ozzy Superstar range here too:



Monday, 11 November 2019

The secret to surviving a kitten is…I wish I knew really!


No I’m not fat and round...it’s just the arm of the sofa and the way I’m resting that makes me look bigger than normal!

Well here we are again, another week has just passed and living with Tolkien is proving to be a living nightmare....seriously!

For starters Tolkien has become very demanding and loud for a kitten who, he shouldn’t know how to meow properly at his age....So he has discovered that hoomins can not resist his kitten (pathetic) voice and now he meows constantly at the hoomins who feel sorry for him and as result he ends up getting everything he wants, including getting his food first, attention all the time when hoomins are around and not getting into any trouble when he is being very very naughty!
Tolkien has become now almost impossible to have around as he has become indeed very naughty and doesn’t listen or pay attention to me or anybody else and because of his very kittish behaviour I’m getting into trouble as well....I mean he has become a destructive force so much now that hoomins have to keep him out of certain rooms especially the room that the hoomins call the office because the moment he gets in there he is bound to destroy something or at least knock things of their place, which of course it also means that I can’t get in there as well now too….grrr!
Wherever Tolkien goes these days you can clearly hear the sounds of crashing and banging as he has no sense of how to stop when he is running at full speed and avoid crashing into things....he is an uncontrolled small black bull, you know....
Then there is his other very annoying habit of always being everywhere you are and evenwhere you are thinking that you want to be next....I mean I go to my sofa in the living room and he is already there waiting for me to give him his grooming bath....(OK, it’s not only the hoomins that they might be spoiling him a bit....he might be getting some attention from me as well, he is still a big stoopid kitten after all), I try to go to my hammock and he is already there pretending to snooze, I climb on my boxes in the bedroom...yeap he is there as well....and of course he is always on the bed especially when hoomins are sleeping which makes it a bit of a crowded place with all of us together I mean hoomins are usually not very consider when it comes to their sleeping habits as they tend to take too much space on the bed and they don’t leave a lot room for us kitties to stretch our weary legs and paws...I mean you think that hoomins should know by now that when it comes to sleeping on the bed cats come first and then the hoomins of course.

Now and talking about Tolkien being everywhere at the same time (sometimes I do wonder how he manages to be in so many places at the same time....as this is something I could never do of course) which of course it can be very annoying he has also develop another bad habit of trying to take over of some of my own responsibilities such as helping the hoomins with their chores such as doing the bed (this of course used to be my job but now not that Tolkien is helping them I prefer to stay in the living room instead so I can catch up with my napping instead, at least some good can come out of this!). Of course and because he is still a kitten he can not help himself of doing things totally the wrong way....You see hoomins need assistant when they are doing the bed and not to play with Tolkien....he needs to learn to go undercover when hoomins are putting the bedsheets on the bed so to make sure that they are doing the job properly by taking their time instead of sitting on top and try to look cute....wrong, very wrong!

Yeap Tolkien is a bat, the only logic explanation for spending so much time on top of things!

Then there is this newest adventure of Tolkien, his new climbing habits, as now and wherever he sees a door or cupboards high up and close to the ceiling he would then attempt to climb on top (not always being successful of course as sometimes he tends to rush and as a result he will then miscalculate the distance and he’d end up on the door and not on top of it!). But of course this sudden unnatural obsession of Tolkien to be always on higher above the  ground places might have some deeper meaning and it might be behaving this way because there is something seriously wrong with him...for example and now that I’m thinking about it this unexplained and strange behaviour it could be because Tolkien is not really a cat, something that which of course would explain some of his bizarre behaviours and his inability to learn any cats skills. I actually think that he is a bat and not a cat and I bet you any cat treats that very soon he would start hanging upside down from these high places....Yeap I got the feeling that hoomins got a bat instead of a kitten....

Then of course there is also the very recent developed bad habit of Tolkien as well...as now he tends to eat most of his food and he only leaves some scraps for me to finish.....which of course is not right...he doesn’t need to eat that much after all...he should leave most of the food for me instead as I’m a grown up cat and I need more food than he does. You know something I think that Tolkien is conspiring with the hoomins against me. I believe that they have brainwashing him so to believe as well that I’m actually fat therefore I shouldn’t be allowed to eat his food. This is the only logical explanation after all that makes sense as I don’t really believe for a minute that Tolkien needs or wants all that food....those pesky hoomins are behind this new plot to keep me away from my fair share of food....pfft!

Anyway better go now...Tolkien might have left some scraps on his plate for me...

Purrs and meows till next time!

Before I go though I would like to mention once again that my hoomins are trying to raise money to help older cats such like Choo Choo and Faith were with vet bills as their treatments can be very expensive since insurances don’t cover senior cats treatment for life (not fair really as we can live a lot longer now and some of us need medical treatment)...so if you feel generous and you want to help cats like Choo Choo to have a good old age you can donate by clicking here:

Also you can buy some of my own range of products, the Ozzy Superstar range











Monday, 4 November 2019

Kittens are really really stupid...and there is Tolkien of course

Here I am, practising my hunting skills on these pesky drops...I’m getting better...no one would be able to escape me soon!
Well, I shouldn’t be saying this, after all kittens are small versions of us, cats, right? So really I shouldn’t be saying that they are really really stupid and even worse than hoomins at times but then again you don’t share your home with a kitten named Tolkien so you have no idea how bad thing are...at times!
You see, at first I was very willing to give him a chance, I’ve accepted him from the very start as part of the family and I even tried my hardest to try to teach him the basic rules of being a cat....But Tolkien is something else...not a kitten really or even some form of a hoomin. I mean he has all the characteristics of a small growing cat, ears, eyes, face, four legs, nice soft velvety fur and a long tail (some might say a bit too long perhaps) and thank god has none of the hoomins features. Well, you know what hoomins look like as they are quite ugly really but they do also have some vague characteristics that are some similar to ours such as eyes like us (peculiar colours though), weird dry most of the time ridiculously big noses, big mouth, teeth (which they don’t use very well), four legs, although their front ones are a bit deformed and they don’t use them at all for walking (how peculiar) and they can make noises like us at times but of course they have no proper soft fur or a tail (mostly peculiar, a species with no visible traces of some form of a tail at all....).
But enough about how weird looking hoomins really are as and at least they have some purpose when it comes to our needs but Tolkien on the other hand, well, he doesn’t seem to fit to any categories of species I can think of...because he is so stupid and everything he does, is wrong!
I mean everybody knows that this time of the year hoomins usually exhibit some of their weird behaviours which means that they do a lot of different things so to ‘celebrate’ what they call holidays such as Halloween and Fireworks night....
On Halloween night they’ll  take a weird looking orange vegetable which they call pumpkin and then they’ll mutilate it by curving weird faces on it which they think they look scary for some bizarre reason...(my hoomins like to curve cat faces on them for some even more bizarre reason...they are not very good at it anymeows). They then tend to put that ugly by now pumpkin at the window for a few hours with a lit candle inside so it looks kinda scary (well I told you hoomins are weird)....As I’ve said it is weird but it doesn’t really bother me...Of course as it is my duty I’d check it first to make sure it is safe and that there is no food hidden inside (you know those pesky hoomins how they like to hide food in strange places) and also to see how silly and not scary it looks and then I’d forget about it as and in general it doesn’t bother me at all, unlikely Tolkien of course. You see, being still a kitten, this was his first Halloween and pumpkin experience and he didn’t like it at all. I mean I’ve never known a cat to be so afraid of a vegetable and to freak out by just looking at it and to even scratch the hoomin that was holding him because he was soooo scared of a vegetable....I mean the whole things was soooo funny! A black cat to be afraid of Halloween....hilarious! He was hissing and meowing at the pumpkin that hoomins and meowself thought at first that he had seen another cat outside, not that he was meowing and growling at the not so scary pumpkin!  Only Tolkien could be afraid of a orange vegetable, a harmless silly looking pumpkin and not of the noise fireworks outside....Not that they bother me either but I won’t sit by the window to watch these noisy lights moving around outside constantly....what for? What is the purpose of these noisy fireworks really other than disturbing my snoozing....pfft!
Anymeows back to Tolkien again who has now discovered another door for climbing the one in the living room and so he decided to perch up there this weekend as he was kept falling and missing the door in the bedroom....such a silly, very very stupid kitten, really!
Here he is again....stuck once again at the top of another door...oh hoomin is Tolkien again...at the door!
I really despair with him and I don’t know what to do with him....I have to just leave him to the hoomins....I had more than enough and my patience has now worn out....unless he starts showing some signs of intelligence I don’t want to have anything to do with him....unless of course I’m bored and need a little bit of exercise as he is the only one available at the moment....although again he doesn’t get the message at night time when I call him to play and when hoomins are asleep....no matter how hard I try to call him he just ignores me....he doesn’t seem to understand that it is playing time when hoomins are asleep....hopeless really!

Better go now dinner time you see and Tolkien is fast asleep again!

Purrs and meows till next time!

Before I go though I would like to mention once again that my hoomins are trying to raise money to help older cats such like Choo Choo and Faith were with vet bills as their treatments can be very expensive since insurances don’t cover senior cats treatment for life (not fair really as we can live a lot longer now and some of us need medical treatment)...so if you feel generous and you want to help cats like Choo Choo to have a good old age you can donate by clicking here:

Also you can buy some of my own range of products, the Ozzy Superstar range here too:



There are so many ways that you can entertain your now always at home hoomins!

Here I’m showing hoomins some proper yoga poses....upward cat! So here we are again and another week has just passed and hoomins as always a...