Life with Ozzy and.. Tolkien

Life with Ozzy and.. Tolkien
The misadventures of Ozzy and Tolkien at home

Monday, 25 March 2019

I am a cat...I think!

You know sometimes hoomins seem to be rather puzzling...I mean they are generally difficult to understand sometimes because of their little peculiarities but and at the same time they can be really really say at least.
I mean they do behave like normal hoomins, you know they appear to really like you, they feed you, they can be quite affectionate (well, sometimes perhaps too affectionate really...annoyingly hoomin behaviour of course), they do what you want them to do, you know play with you and give you belly rubs and scratch at the right spots....but boy they can be also really strange at times....
I mean the things they would tell about you sometimes, really mean things especially when they say that they like you as well…for example...I know for a fact that I’m a cat...I have four legs, a nice tail, very soft fur (hoomins keep telling me), nice claws which I can use when needed of course, etc, general I’m a very pretty boy cat, the mirror and hoomins are doubt there.

What? I’m just checking that is nice and soft for you hoomin...I wasn’t doing any zooping! 

So why on earth then the  hoomins sometimes say that I’m not a cat or at least that I’m not behaving like a cat, I mean this is really hurtful, you know being accused of not being one of my own kind....why? I’m asking you why my hoomins would say such a terrible thing....if I’m not a cat what am I? I’m not a dog for certain (I can’t really bark or like eating dog food....not that I have tried any dog food  to be honest...hmmm, it might not be that bad after all, don’t judge, till you try I always say!). Anyways I’m not a dog and that’s that and I don’t think I’m a hoomin way hoomin, I’m too intelligent and pretty to be a hoomin!
So what else can I be other than what I am....I am a cat, no matter what hoomins are saying...perhaps I can’t meow as the other three do...well I’ve never really got the hang of it...I just can’t really meow that loud like the others...but I most definitely don’t sound like a buzzing mosquito like hoomins keep saying....I simply use my own kind of special’s more like brrr...owing than meowing but still it is my own unique I’m a unique least we agree on this with hoomins...Besides hoomins do understand what I’m trying to tell them and I’m not loud and annoying like the other two....boy, Faith and Choo Choo can be loud when they want attention and food...on the other hand I’m very considerate with my is quiet and very discreet, pleasant to the hoomin ears or I purr as loud as Ripley does...hoomins can’t even hear my little purrs...and that’s another of my good points. Also and to make it clear once and for all I do not snore either, this is another false accusation by my hoomins…hoomins, it’s not’s another form of purring, again my own unique way of purring!

Another thing that hoomins keep say about me that I don’t do like normal cats is  that I’m not doing zooping like normal cats do but again it is because I have found my own unique style of zooping which I find very works for me just fine...I’m pretty sure that all cats out there zoop their own least I’m doing some cat zooping unlike the other three who don’t even try...or asked to do any zooping…far too lazy those three….and my little paws don’t leave marks on the walls…it’s all lies, I simply like stretching my paws on the wall!

As for liking being with the hoomins all the time and following them around, isn’t what us kitties are supposed to do so to keep an eye on hoomins? I need to know what they are doing just in case they need my assistance and I’m not just being curious all the time...and of course I would sit on the chair as soon as any of the hoomins gets up...what else a kitty is supposed to do when there is an available warm spot to sit on?  After hoomins evacuate the seat it then becomes available to occupy by anyone....what else do they expect from a kitty to do?

Seriously I really can’t see that I’m doing anything that any other normal cat won’t do...You know something, I think hoomins are just jealous because they want to like me, a pretty and clever kitty and of course and because they can’t they want to convince me that I’m not either....oh sneaky hoomins they think they can outsmart a clever kitty like me, ha, don’t think so, silly hoomins….you can never be like me…after all cats do rule the world and hoomins serve them!

Now better go and check on those pesky’s past dinner time you know!

Purrs and meows till next time!

Monday, 18 March 2019

Cat myths that hoomins believe and which are not true....of course

We have established long time ago that hoomins are very gullible and they believe in myths and fairy tales....well they believe everything you tell them that is, even if it isn’t with many words...a few meows would usually do the trick....

So I would like to tell you some truths and hopefully you hoomins who read this would change your minds about us, cats, well at least a little. For starters, you seem to believe that we cats don’t do much other than sleep and eat all day....that’s sooooo not true....we really don’t sleep all the time and we eat very little but frequent of course so to keep our energy, you see. We eat only when we need to and not all the time and when there is food around.....soooo not true!

As for sleeping...come on now, we don’t sleep all day or most of the day, we only sleep when we need to, when we are tired and after we’ve had a good play and hunt or catch....wherever...and we need a rest. Like you do hoomins...You see, myself,  I’m usually awake when my hoomins are around so to keep on eye on them as well as the other three and I would go to bed when hoomins go, at night time and then I would sleep till morning, like my hoomins do! Of course as it is my responsibilty to make sure that hoomins wake up on time to do their chores before they have to go wherever they go when they go outside, so I would get up a bit earlier to encourage and help them get up on time as they often need a little persuassion as hoomins are known to be a little lazy at times...So I would use as per normal a bit of head butting, face licking and biting, sitting on them, knocking things over, attacking exposed feets, etc, etc, you know the usual stuff that cats do to help their hoomins wake up in the mornings.
As for the rest of the day I don’t spend it sleeping when the hoomins are not around as I usually have many things to do, I’m after all a very busy kitty...looking after the other three (we they can be rather lazy at times but then they are getting a bit old so they can be excused), keeping an eye on the birds and pesky squirrels outside and general to what’s going on out there, making sure that all bowls are empty for the hoomins so they can refill them again when they return..making also a bit of a mess with the carpets and sofa covers for hoomins so they can keep themselves busy when they come home, eventually....among other things that a kitty has to do! Of course there are many hours in a day and after all the chores are done I might have a little snooze myself as well so to keep my self fresh for when hoomins return of course....they’d need to be welcomed and followed around till everything is know  till all bowls are full again....
So yes it is a hoomin made myth that cats sleep most of the day and stay awake at night so to annoy their hoomins...seriously who wants to stay awake at night when nothing is going on and hoomins can’t even hear you or give you any attention....not me...I prefer to sleep!

Not sleeping....just resting....I had a rather tiring day...
Another false assumption is that boy cats don’t get along when are living together....this is utterly nonsense as me and Choo Choo are the best of friends and we are getting along just fine...I like Choo Choo he is a lot nicer and friendly than the two girls that they are also around...Don’t get me wrong I like Faith and Ripley but to tell you the truth though girl  cats are really a pain to live with sometimes....they are soooo fussy and unreasonable and like to get you into trouble for no apparent fun whatsoever! I mean I’m only trying to sniff Faith’s tail....especially the start of her tail and she gets really paranoid and she growls and meows for the hoomins to come to rescue her and so I can get into to trouble....try to touch her or get her involve in some playing and chasing and she meows so loud that hoomins believe that I’m attacking for Ripley, she is the worst,  you only have to get near her and she growls and hisses like she is being attacked and she even pretends that she is in danger by taking the defensive pose so hoomins would think that I’m actually attacking her....Unbelievable! i know she is the oldest and a bit grumpy at times....but this is a premeditate assault on my good reputation, so hoomins think I’m a bully....she is soooo bad!
No, no don’t like girls they are such drama queens....give me Choo Choo any time...he never gets annoyed and he even lets me share his food....So it is not true that boy cats are not getting along, quite the opposite I’d say.

Myself and Choo best friend!
Another misconception about us cat is that we are all hunters and that we all like chasing and catching, birdies and miceys and other smaller animals....again that’s not best friend after Choo Choo of course is Grizzly, the hamster cat that lives in that plastic box and which I like watching when he is out and about on his ball.... actually and to be honest with you and don’t tell to anybody else...I kinda find him a bit scary when he rolls in that big ball around the house...he is so fast and looks rather menacing the way he moves around with no fear of anything in his path....Nope I wouldn’t even try and chase him....actually I think that sometimes it seems that he is chasing me instead!
As for the birdies outside....I like them and I think they are really cute and I like watching them when they are coming to the feeders....The only one that I don’t like is that pesky squirrel, he is far too big and fat for the feeders, plus he eats the poor birdies food!

So as you can see there are a lot of misconceptions about us, kitties as there are a lot of things thar we kitties don’t really do....well at least some of us....

Purrs and meows for now...till next time!

Monday, 11 March 2019

Why not all cats are the same!

Sometimes I think that hoomins are a little....let’s say a little peculiar, as they tend to behave in ways that often don’t make a lot of sense and they are also like making continuously loud noises, which they call…talking...and which noises are also expecting us to make when they’re ‘talking’ to us....and of course when we do oblige and we start talking to them as they are expecting us to do so then they’d start complaining that we are very noisy and won’t stop meowing...Strange or what? We only do what we were told to do in the first place! Yes, hoomins can be rather peculiar at times but at least they can be excused as they are not really that smart to know what they are doing...or saying for that matter!

So of course we do expect hoomins to be weird at times but and at the same time they are also expecting us to do things that they deem to be strange so they can feel better themselves!

But we kitties know better...we are the intelligent ones here and whatever we do there is always a good reason for doing so! We don’t do things for no purpose, we don’t waste energy for no reason and we aren’t fussy or stubborn....we are only very persistent, till hoomins are convinced that giving in to our demands is the best way to serve us! Let’s face it hoomins are not clever enough to resist us or ignore us, no matter how they hard they might try. Cats always win!
Fear me hoomins I’m no cute...mean hoomin!

So and because I know my hoomins, I know what time I need to get up and also wake up hoomins in the mornings so breakfast is served on time, what time hoomins are coming up so they can fill up the food bowls which have been empty all day....what time is the right time to get attention from hoomins and some interactive play....(usually the best time is when they sit in the evening in front of that talking big weird shaped very thin box and doing nothing....just stare, then I know that is the right time to get them involved in some cat activities and entertained....).

So you see I know what to do and when and I behave in most occasions as hoomins would have expected me to behave....and I give them the attention they need!

But then again and if you do remember I’m not the only cat in the house, there are three others who often are not behaving the way cats should do...and who are so hard to keep under control (even worse than the hoomins at times!).
Ripley’s new bed...good grief!

A good example is Ripley of course...yes I know and hoomins are keep saying it as well, she is quite old now and she has become as peculiar as the hoomins and very grumpy but why on earth does she like sleeping in the litter tray? I know nobody else is using it as hoomins got it just for her and they keep it clean so she can use it as a bed....but why the litter tray, when there are so many other places in the house to use? I simply don’t get it....I’ve always thought that we kitties we use litter trays for our toilet needs and hoomins are here to clean them after us....but Ripley....well...she is old and I can’t even annoy her any more to get attention from hoomins as she is totally ignore me these days....where is the fun in this? Being totally ignored when I was once feared..

On the other spectrum of course you have drama queen Faith who she squeaks and meows every time she sees me getting close by  like I’m going to attack her or something (she doesn’t like playing hide and seek at all) and always meows for the hoomins to came and rescue her...such a drama queen....At least she sleeps on the hoomins pillows like a normal cat would do, not like Ripley....

As for Choo Choo, well there is nothing wrong with Choo Choo of course as he  is my hero....he is the best cat there is to be around...I like following him around and he even lets me eat some of his food...although he doesn’t like playing at all and sometimes gets a bit annoyed and he never covers after he has been to the litter tray...but it’s OK I’d usually do it for him....He also knows how to convince the hoomins to feed him anytime he wants...he talks to them all the time....I can’t say that I understand all his meows but hoomins seem to do so as they always doing what he wants them to do...feed him! If only I was that convincing too....hoomins seem to ignore me when I try to ask them to feed me...I’ve only get the...’you are too fat’ and ‘you’d had enough for now’, which is of course totally nonsense (I’m not fat or had enough…never enough!).

Anymeow better stop now...time to check on hoomins and Ripley I guess!

Monday, 4 March 2019

The things hoomins do......

There are things that hoomins would do and which to be honest  I don’t always seem to
make a lot of sense to me....not that hoomins are making any sense, anyway, but you know and over time, you learn to live with them as thêy not only have their uses but also they can always be there for you when you need them. Besides they can't help it for being what they are, they were born impurrfect after all!

But sometimes they do things that thêy seem to simply defy know being themselves creatures of habit like we are of course, when and all of the sudden they seem to be losing the plot and start behaving really really strange.

A good example here is the breaking of our established morning know the five days in the week when they are behaving normal and they are getting up early in the morning, with my assistance of course, as sometimes alarms are not enough to get them out of bed and they need a bit of encouragement such as biting or scratching faces or any other extremities available and exposed (better in the summer though where they are a lot more body parts exposed than the cold months) or sitting on them, licking faces, making noises or even pull the blinds for them and for the world outside to see (although where we live there aren’t many hoomins outside, mostly birdies…) or knock over some heavy objects on the floor, you know what ever it takes. So hoomins would eventually get up, feed me and the rest of the gang, sort out water bowls and litter trays, then they are allowed to have their own breakfast, wash and dress before finally depart for the rest of the day, till the evening of course when they return and it is time for them to refill the empty bowls and give us some attention. Well sometimes I think that having not hoomins around for such a long for such a long time can be a bit inconvenient as the bowls are getting empty pretty quickly after they have left but then again having peace and quiet and long periods of undisturbed snoozing is not so bad after all....hmmm not sure about this....need to think it over before I decide.

Here I am in my thinking box

Then of course you have the weekends, which I have mentioned it before as hoomins are known not to act like hoomins for two days and which hoomins are allowed to sleep for a little longer as they don’t need to leave the house for very long or even at all sometimes. You see I’m a very considerate kitty and I do realise that hoomins need a bit rest and extra sleep these days so I let them sleep for an extra half hour before I attempt to get them up....too much sleep is not good for hoomins and I make certain that they are getting up without oversleeping and even getting a headache of sorts....besides I need to have my breakfast (as well as the others of course) and I get really grumpy when I don’t have my breakfast on time....hoomins are well aware of this!
As I’ve said I do understand that for the 2 days in a week the hoomins don’t need to get that early like in normal weekdays.....but there are some days, sometimes during the week, ON WEEKDAYS when hoomins don’t get up early and despite all my efforts they refuse to get up and even in some cases they get annoyed by my usual efforts and they’d then lock me out of the room (with no fresh food provided….I could starve if I am left out there for too long) for a couple of hours so they can carry on sleeping....sleeping.....pfft while we are left, abandoned to our fate to starve.....This behaviour does not make sense to me....hoomins simply say that they are on holiday and they need a bit of rest...I say that there is something seriously wrong with hoomins when they are breaking their normal routine for no reason....they are not even sick and all of the sudden they become really lazy and forgetful of their duties....

But fortunately for us, this is not a frequent event and normality is usually kept with no interruptions and we are all quite bowls are being filled up in time and hoomins are there when you need them...and they do provide you with interesting toys and boxes on some occasions too....but hoomins can be really peculiar and hard to understand at times....not always that intelligent but I guess there is no much you can do about it....

Oh I can hear a hoomin moving towards the kitchen....I better check if he is about to fill up my bowl again, it’s being empty for a while now....

Purrs and meows till next time!

The wars of the blanket and the mystery of the underwear draw….

MY BLANKET…Tolkien cannot have it! Hallo hoomins and cats out there in the wide world outside. Another week has just passed and a few things...