Life with Ozzy and.. Tolkien

Life with Ozzy and.. Tolkien
The misadventures of Ozzy and Tolkien at home

Monday, 28 October 2019

Hoomins are really bad at learning anything...they are worse than Tolkien it seems!

Nope, we are not long as he can keep his distance he can stay on my scratching post....
Well, another week has just passed and still I haven’t made any progress with Tolkien.... but at least now he has learned how to jump off the top of the door without hoomin assistance! I guess that is something positive....he is doing something on his own but he still makes a lot of racket when he jumps back on the unit...the whole place shakes like there has been an earthquake....I’m surprised the neighbours are not complaining or that we haven’t made the local news for the locally frequent tremors that do occur. But I guess he would end up getting bored with this new game soon enough...let’s hope of course that is sooner than later before he destroys the door or he...misses it!

But today I’m not going to complain about Tolkien....much, he is a kitten after all and he has no common-sense of brain it seems so to be held responsible for any of his actions....instead I would like to express my great annoyance with my hoomins and all the other hoomins out there of course as probably they are all the same! After all it is their fault, everything that it has happened from the moment they brought Tolkien home....First of all they’ve managed to find the kitten with no brain to bring home and secondly they’ve also decided to let him get away with everything just because he is young and stupid. I mean how is this really possible? Logic tells you that he would have been the one who gets blamed for everything and not the one who gets excused while the older and wiser cat gets blamed for some of things that he actually has done.....but again hoomins doing things the wrong way as always!
Then it is also the fact that often they don’t do the things they say they’d do....always going back on their word. Today for example Tolkien was supposedly going to see the vet for the big visit...hee hee (poor Tolkien) so I had really big hopes for the return of a different, changed Tolkien (you know....when there is sudden change of purrsonalities because of a certain procedure.....) and although I was feeling sorry for the little guy (well kinda...we all have been there when we were younger after all) but and at the same time I was looking forward to a few hours of being at home all on meowown without being constantly pestered by a kitten....So naturally and because hoomins were taking care of things nothing really happened. I mean he did visit the vet but nothing did happen...he had to stay off his food overnight of course.....poor Tolkien....I was surely thinking of him while I was having my breakfast and he was waiting expectedly from the hoomins to get his own breakfast....which of course it never happened....instead he ended up in the cat basket (well, he did get in on his own accord  after all and without any hoomin assistance....such a stupid kitten, going willingly to his own demise....pfft!) Of course and when he eventually realised and after the hoomin closed the basket door that he was going outside on an unfamiliar place he wasn’t very happy at all and made a lot of noises and attempts to vein of course! But because hoomins are not very clever themselves there was a mix up with the vet so Tolkien came back home without even actually seeing the vet....all this fuss and stress was really for nothing and my little break away from Tolkien lasted less than an hour....pfft hoomins, they can’t do anything right...
Of course this is one of the many examples of how hoomins are not very good in doing things properly...they are also very hard to train as well (even more difficult than Tolkien it seems if you believe it...) and to even understand basic given instructions....I mean I have been trying my hardest for the past few days to teach them to follow me in the kitchen when they come home from work so to fill up the bowls which they are of course empty and they don’t seem to be able to understand what they are supposed to do….very simple….just follow the cat as he shows you the way to the kitchen…Hoomins is not that complicated.....When a cat shows you the way you just follow and do what you are supposed to do, you fill up the empty bowls...very very simple! Three times I had to go to the kitchen and come back till hoomins finally got the message and decided to do what they are supposed to do....which it is of course the first thing they are supposed to do when they come home, to  feed the cats, well meowself first of course, Tolkien can always wait...he is still quite young.
Yeap...he is that stupid....he likes marmite, he would even steal hoomins toast  if he gets the chance...stoopid kittten!

How difficult is for hoomins to understand....phew! You know something, I think it might be better if I change my method of training with hoomins...I think I need to start using some form of vocalization...I know it’s very backwards, primitive behaviour for us cats that we have now evolved to such intelligent species who they don’t need to shout or meow to each other anymore but it might be the only possible way for them hoomins to understand! Yeap a few loud meows or more kitten meows like Tolkien does might do the trick after all! Such a hard work these hoomins!

Better go now....Tolkien is still recovering from this morning’s traumatic experience (yeah right hoomins, don’t fall for his pathetic excuse, he only went for a small walk, he didn’t even get out of the basket) and hoomins feel rather guilty....opportunity here for extra treats and top ups for meowself I thinkz!                                               

Purrs and meows till next time!

Before I go though I would like to mention once again that my hoomins are trying to raise money to help older cats such like Choo Choo and Faith were with vet bills as their treatments can be very expensive since insurances don’t cover senior cats treatment for life (not fair really as we can live a lot longer now and some of us need medical treatment) if you feel generous and you want to help cats like Choo Choo to have a good old age you can donate by clicking here:

Also you can buy some of my own range of products, the Ozzy Superstar range here too:

Monday, 21 October 2019

Why kittens can easily make your life a constant nightmare...

Keeping an eye on Tolkien so he doesn’t get into anymore mischief!

Once upon a time there was a happy cat, named Ozzy (meowself of course) who was living in a nice home with 3 other older cats and his two hoomins, who were the best purrsonal servants a cat like meowself could have wished for. Then and rather suddenly things. changed. Suddenly Ozzy wasn’t the youngest cat anymore, he had become instead the oldest one and there was a new kitten who hoomins apparently have adopted so for Ozzy to have some company, they’ve said, so not to be all alone when they weren’t around, they’ve said and to also to stop him from becoming very dependent and spoiled by the hoomins, they’ve said....and this is where the fairy tale ends for poor me and the nightmare begins!

So Tolkien had arrived and he was as you’d have expected from a kitten quite small and cute, as hoomins were kept saying and of course also, all new and ready and keen to learn how to be a cat from the expert and well qualified cat...meowself of course! Because I’m also a very kind, considerate, friendly, very tolerant (especially when it comes to hoomins and their many faults), easy going cat, qualities of mine which of course I know that you are very familiar with by now, I’ve easily accepted the small kitten and welcomed him into my home and started teaching him how to be a cat and how to annoy the hoomins when he wants something without getting into any trouble, as he had become my responsibility after all!
But of course and as you already know by now, Tolkien proved to be so far not the easiest or brightest kitten to teach anything useful....he has always been far too excitable, forgetful and also has become quite attached to hoomins and to prefer most of the time to be around them and not so keen on learning anything that a cat would need to know….(I don’t mean anything pointless like hunting small creatures or even flies and spiders which of course and for some strange reason have become Tolkien’s little hobby….)

I mean I have tried for so many weeks now to teach him the basics that any good cat should know but he is really really hopeless and in particular when it comes to playing (especially when he tries to hide or when is is supposed to find me or even try to catch and don’t let me start with his non-existent fighting skills….soooo bad!). He has also become a little thief as he likes stealing my favourite sleeping posts in the house and not paying any attention to me when I’m asking him to move from those spots and very very careless and extremely demanding and now also vocal when he wants something from the hoomins (mostly food and to play with....) which annoyingly seem to work with them, while they totally ignore me when I’m demanding attention….because I’m not small and cute anymore and I should also know better apparently!
He has now started developing really bad habits such as climbing in really high places such as the top of the kitchen cupboards and the top of the bedroom door....which of course it wouldn’t be the worst thing a kitten would do as kittens are quite agile, reckless and mostly stupid of course but then again he tends to find himself stuck up there and in need of hoomin assistance to get down....Hoomins spent the whole weekend getting him down from the door frequently and they weren’t very happy about it (they should have left him there for a while so that we all could have had a little peace and quiet time I say!). So did Tolkien learnt his lesson? Of course not....I mean what is the appeal at the top of the door? It’s a long long way up, and there is hardly enough space to move about let alone sit why a cat, even a stupid kitten like Tolkien would want to jump up there? 
You won’t see me up there or even contemplating something that stupid....I prefer instead the safety of the sofa and the occasional thrill of jumping on the kitchen tops....At least there you have more chances of finding something tasty to  eat as hoomins tend to leave plates, trays or bowls in many occasions for me to clean for them and of course you can easily get to the kitchen sink as well for some drop hunting....That’s high enough for me....thank you! Of course this has nothing to do with age or me being too fat to try and climb that high,’s all about being responsible and not attempt to jump on places that they are far too high above ground and get stuck there and need hoomins assistance to get down…far too high for any cat with a bit of sense I should think!

Yeap, on top of the door again...can’t get down...oh hoomin it’s Tolkien again!

Now and of course every time that Tolkien does something stupid and dangerous like attempting to climb up in very high places and despite the fact that he is actually stupid, he is after all part of the family now and naturally I’m worried about him...this is the reason of course of me following him around all the time as I’m trying to keep an eye on him and to also protect him from things that they can harm small enclosed boxes for example which might be far too small for him to fit in....I do not try to copy him of course just try to help him from getting to any more trouble and annoy the hoomins of course!

So and as you see it can be bad for a cat like meowself looking after a kitten like Tolkien  who he seems that he always gets into some sort of I’ve always have to keep an eye on him, which can be so stressful at times....

So and as as far it has been a rather stressful day I think it is about time for me to have a little snack break...Tolkien is fast asleep on the sofa and he is not wandering around so this is the purrfect opportunity for me to check that the bowls are full again!

So till next time purrs and meows

Before I go though I would like to mention once again that my hoomins are trying to raise money to help older cats such like Choo Choo and Faith were with vet bills as their treatments can be very expensive since insurances don’t cover senior cats treatment for life (not fair really as we can live a lot longer now and some of us need medical treatment) if you feel generous and you want to help cats like Choo Choo to have a good old age you can donate by clicking here:

Also you can buy some of my own range of products, the Ozzy Superstar range here too:

Monday, 14 October 2019

Kittens can pick up bad habits very easily (and it is hoomins fault!)

My hammock...see? I fit purrfectly!

Let me make one thing clear I have nothing against kittens (and especially Tolkien), they are our future after all (and I mean us, cats, of course) and we need to take care of them and teach them the right ways of the cat life of course! 

But naturally there are the occasions where kitten training can go very wrong, especially when there are hoomins involved, you know when they do get interfere and they try to teach kittens how to become they know themselves how to be a cat....of course they don’t know anything, they haven’t the slightest idea!

So for the past few weeks and since Tolkien has arrived I have been trying my hardest to teach him how to be a proper cat and I know of course that he is still very young and gets easily distracted and influenced by those hoomins but still there are times when it seems almost impossible to teach him to do anything… right! How on earth he is ever going to learn to be a proper cat when everything he learns is wrong and everything he does is always the opposite of what I’m trying to teach him? Sometimes I think that he is such a loss cause and that I should give up and leave the hoomins to take over completely, which of course it would be a total disaster....hoomins teaching a kitten how to be a cat, unheard of! What a preposterous idea! An utterly disaster!

The main problem with Tolkien is that he doesn’t listen or pay attention to what you are telling him...I mean he is not supposed of course to listen what the hoomins are telling him but he needs to learn nevertheless to listen to what I’m telling him....not to totally ignoring me and to think that everything is a game and it is OK for him to play with everything....including my precious tail, which is not a game of course! Tolkien you are not supposed to play with MY TAIL all the time....cats tails are not a toy like hoomins hands and feet where you can scratch, lick and bite them whenever you feel like...I mean he has now developed this big obsession with my tail which it doesn’t really make sense...he would always be there behind me playing with my tail...You know and like most cats I do love my tail and I do take good care of it and I don’t leave it on purpose in front of the hoomins feet to trip them over or I would try to trick them so they can fall over in their attempt to avoid stepping on it....because I really really like my tail...Now Tolkien doesn’t think a lot of his...always leaving in front of hoomins’ feet when they are not looking  and he doesn’t even like playing with it...well it is a bit long for his size but still he should take better care of it instead of being always preoccupied with mine...the many times I have told him to leave it alone and he has ignored me....frustrating to say at least, he doesn’t listen to reason or to my paws whacking at him!

So stubborn...he won’t listen, leave my tail alone or it would be trouble!

Then there is the other very bad habit that he has also developed…the stealing of my favourite snoozing spots...especially my little hammock by the the way do not pay any attention  to what the hoomins are saying....I have not abandoned the hammock because it is too small for me or that I don’t really fit in there anymore...all nonsense, hoomin propaganda and lies! I’m not fat and it has always been my favourite place, no matter what hoomins might be saying...It’s not true that Tolkien started using it because I had abandoned it and that when I saw him using it then I’ve decided once again that I wanted to use it for snoozing as well....of course not, I didn’t get jealous or anything of that sort! Tolkien simply took over, moved there without my permission....he’s now stolen my favourite snoozing spot and he simply refuses to give it back and hoomins, to make things worse, are taking his side because they believe that apparently I’m too big to sleep there anymore, pfft! So is my hammock and I want it back and I do fit as purrfectly as I’ve used to....besides the whole scratching platform it’s mine and I don’t feel like sharing it with anybody, especially Tolkien since he likes stealing my favourite places and then refuses to move when he’s asked to do so nicely.....Such bad habits....he should learn not only to listen to me but also to show some respect....stealing is bad Tolkien, this isn’t something that cats do….well, most of the times anyway!

You won’t see me stealing stuff from hoomins or Tolkien (after all most of his stuff are used to be mine anyway....I’m simply letting him have them because I feel sorry for him!). 

Anymeows better go now....time to check some food bowls...especially Tolkien’s, it’s probably still quite the way this is not is just making sure that food is not get wasted....

Purrs and meows till next time!

Before I go though I would like to mention once again that my hoomins are trying to raise money to help older cats such like Choo Choo and Faith were with vet bills as their treatments can be very expensive since insurances don’t cover senior cats treatment for life (not fair really as we can live a lot longer now and some of us need medical treatment) if you feel generous and you want to help cats like Choo Choo to have a good old age you can donate by clicking here:

Also you can buy some of my own range of products, the Ozzy Superstar range here too:

Monday, 7 October 2019

Kittens grow so fast and learn soooo little!

Some relaxing time in my own box...not sharing!

It has been many weeks now since Tolkien arrived and became our newest family member and although I didn’t really see him the first few days (those pesky hoomins they were keeping him hidden from me and they were pretending that there was nobody behind that closed door...they believed that they could trick me...who me, the one that knows everything that is going on in this house...pfft not possible to hide anything from me I say!) when we did meet he was still very small and stupid (well as stupid as he is now…that clearly hasn’t changed, after all that time!).

Yes I remember it very well, he was very small and looked rather lost and confused when he started exploring our home...he was not even sure about me and he was a bit weary at first. But of course as I’m a kind, generous, very tolerant and open minded cat I welcomed him to our home and I took him under my own protection, he became my responsibility(new blood, fresh meat!). After all who was going to teach him how to be a proper cat around here, not the hoomins of course, they don’t know anything and what they think they know about cats are mostly exaggerated lies and hoomin misinterpretation of cat behaviour (pfft hoomins!).

So yes, almost from day one I became Tolkien’s mentor and protector....there are a lot of things that a young kitten needs to know and to be aware of especially when he lives with other cats and of course hoomins if he is not only to survive but also to live well and learn how to get his hoomins to do always what he wants them to do....It is not easy understanding the ways sometimes hoomins think and behave especially if there is no one around to explain why hoomins behave the way they they are funny creatures!

Of course hoomins were also willing to help with the training of the young kitten but naturally and as it was to be expected they end up doing things totally wrong and instead of teaching Tolkien to be a kitten at first they instead ended up totally confusing him....(this is why I had to stepped up and take total control of his training). After all there are really no rules in the house for any cat or there are really things that you are not suppose to do or areas and places in the house where you are not supposed to go in areas....really know,,,these are all just fairy any cat that has hoomins around knows too well! You basically own the whole house and you can do anything you like even if hoomins think that they have taught you some of their rules! You know it is better sometimes to let them believe that they are in charge at home and that they can tell you what not to do even if deep down know that is not really true of just makes them feel better about themselves so we let them believe that they actually live in their own fantasy world...nobody gets hurt in the end anymeows!

So and going back to Tolkien I became straight away his only mentor and he became my little pupil and follower....and it was fun at first as he would easily and without asking any questions would do anything he was told to do...But of course things started to change as the weeks started passing away and he started to grow more and more....he became more difficult to control and teach anything useful! I mean he is still a kitten of course and he is still quite stupid and he still forgets things and acts on impulse without thought of the consequences of his actions...he would still run after that strange red dot and crash into walls and cupboards in his attempt to catch it....of course and in the unlikely case scenario that he does catch it, then, it would be all mine...after all this time that it had managed to escape me! But and to be totally honest with you I can’t really see him catching it...he is not that smart and the dot is far too clever for him to be caught that easily....after all this time I know how hard is to catch that darn dot!

He is also terrible when it comes to playing....I mean I like playing with Tolkien...he is a lot better than the hoomins who tend to get easily bored and to stop playing pretty quickly....when you are just starting having fun. So yes, of course he is a lot better to play with than trying to play on your own....but to be honest he is really pretty terrible at everything....For starters he is terrible at hide and seek...He doesn’t seem to understand the notion of hiding....that he must hide completely and not only part of his body (if even that!) or the idea of seeking the other purrson that is I go into hiding and he forgets that he is supposed to find me....he then forgets everything... that he is supposed to be playing with me....Instead and quite often I would find him sitting on one of the hoomins...snoozing away completely oblivious to the fact that I’m still waiting for him to come and find me....seriously that kitten has serious issues with his memory it seems!
See? Not a clue how to play a hide and seek!
And don’t let me start with his chasing capabilities....he runs far too fast for me to catch him and for him to wait to catch can you play catch when he runs ahead of you when you are the one he is supposed to catch? 

Seriously his playing skills have not improved at all after all this time as they still need a lot of work....You know, I think that the hoomins might be responsible for Tolkien being so bad at learning anything…they seem to have a bad influence on him. You know he is becoming as each days passes too lazy, far too soft, forgetful and doesn’t seem to care too much about his training anymore. He seems to like spending a lot of time with the hoomins and I believe that he has even started thinking that he is a hoomin too....

Those pesky hoomins....they will spoil Tolkien and he would not learn anything useful in the end.....of course and now that I’m rethinking it there is also a positive side on this…when he spends time with the hoomins he then spends less time with me which also means that I can catch up with some serious snoozing and extra snacking, which of course is not so bad after all! Hmmm! Hoomins might have some use after all it seems!

Anymeows better go now....snacking and snoozing time is fast approaching!

Purrs and meows till next time! 

Before I go though I would like to mention once again that my hoomins are trying to raise money to help older cats such like Choo Choo and Faith were with vet bills as their treatments can be very expensive since insurances don’t cover senior cats treatment for life (not fair really as we can live a lot longer now and some of us need medical treatment) if you feel generous and you want to help cats like Choo Choo to have a good old age you can donate by clicking here:

Also you can buy some of my own range of products, the Ozzy Superstar range here too:

The wars of the blanket and the mystery of the underwear draw….

MY BLANKET…Tolkien cannot have it! Hallo hoomins and cats out there in the wide world outside. Another week has just passed and a few things...