Life with Ozzy and.. Tolkien

Life with Ozzy and.. Tolkien
The misadventures of Ozzy and Tolkien at home

Monday, 29 July 2019

Purrsonality Meltdown - my hoomins are calling it...don’t think so!

Not a hamster...just checking these green and orange stuff...yak!

You know, I’ve always maintained that I’m a normal cat...well, I consider meowself to be a normal cat…I look like one and I act like one....but somehow my hoomins seem to have a different opinion for their bizarre reasons of course!
They even say that I have split purrsonality and that I suffer from purrsonality meltdown (one of my hoomins was saying to the other hoomin the other day that my upbringing as a kitten and previous experiences might have something to do this...pfft, I say as she seems to consider herself to be some kind of expert on cat behaviour or something similar and she thinks she understands us, cats....very unlikely story I say that any hoomin really understands or knows anything about cat behaviour,  hee, funny they can be those hoomins sometimes)!

So you see, first they started by accusing me of acting like a kitten and not like a cat of my age... (what is age anyway? Another hoomin meaningless invention)....being too playful and as they call it rather mischievous but of course they were only exaggerating and misunderstood me as always...As I am only using some of that excess energy by doing a bit of exercising and some as it would have been expected normal cat investigating, nothing unusual here, just doing what a normal cat would do under similar circumstances...

Then they were also started accusing me of not behaving like a cat but instead acting like a small dog, a puppy they call it  simply because I like following my hoomins around the house all the time so to keep an eye on them of course, as well as waiting for them at the door when they come home in the evening (isn’t that what all good cats suppose to do anyway when hoomins are coming home??? Very normal!) and even they say that I growl and make noises like a dog and I don’t know how to meow or hiss like a cat....well, hoomins I don’t like hissing because it is soooo below me, such an uncivilised behaviour, getting angry and star hissing like a snake....a behaviour that any respectable cat these days would try to avoid as there is no real reason to be angry and show aggressive behaviour, us, cats are so so much better now than we used to be when we used to live on our own. We have learned to be social and polite towards other cats and hoomins…even towards dogs! As for meowing, well again not all cats meow or to explain it better there is no real need to meow anymore as we simply use different sounds to communicate with our hoomins and which sounds our hoomins seem to understand as well lot better than …meowing!
As for communicating with each other...well again no sounds needed, we understand each other without the need to vocalise, we have developed what you hoomins called ‘telepathy’ but it is a catepathy as only cats understand it and know how to use it...we are in process of course of trying to  teach our hoomins the same method but as hoomins aren’t that intelligent they still have a long way to go to reach our level and a lot of work is still needed....but we are getting there!

Now and back to my hoomins and to the latest chapter of this saga of purrsonalities issues I’m now and once again being accused of being something else…This time I’m hamster simply because my hoomins caught me yesterday sitting in the small cat’s home (who for some strange reason hoomins are calling hamster...and they think that is a small creature that I should have some grudge against for some peculiar....these hoomins and their logic again!!). You see and because I was only checking the little cat’s or hamster’s (to please those hoomins) home to see if it is safe to sit and sleep there and also because they think that they saw me eating his food as well  (as I have seen him eating all that stuff constantly so I was kinda curious to see how that peculiar looking and smelling stuff tasted and of course whether it was safe to eat) my hoomins now they say that I’m turning to a hamster....Which of course it is totally and utterly is it possible a big cat like me to change to a small creature like that hamster and start eating all these seeds and vegetables...not very likely, really!

So, hoomins, chill! I’m still a cat, nothing has changed...I’m not turning to a dog or hamster or even a hoomin (good grief…what a thought) even if I like playing with my bone occasionally or seem to like sitting on the hamster’s home and even nibbling on some of his food....It’s all part of being a cat that has many responsibilities in his domain...Everything is under control...I’m in charge of everything and everybody as don’t worry about me and my purrsonalities!

So now hoomins I think is about time for my dinner...I fancy some can keep the bones of course...
Purrs and meows till next time fellow cats out there!

But before I go I would like to mention here again that my hoomins trying to raise money to help with our older cats vet bills as their treatments can be very expensive since insurances don’t cover senior cats treatment for life (not fair really as we can live a lot longer now and some of us need medical treatment) if you feel generous and you want to help you can donate by clicking here:

Also now I have my own range of products Ozzy Superstar which you can buy from here:

Monday, 22 July 2019

When sometimes accidents happen...hoomins are not meant to be amused

Here I am, having a little me time!

You know, us, cats are known for being graceful and always the ones who are in charge in our environments of others and of course hoomins (well they do need somebody to look after them after all, as they are not very good at taking care of themselves as everybody knows…).
We are creatures of mystery and elegance and our history goes well back in ancient times when we were considered gods (ahh the good old time again we will rule the world...with our hoomins of course....that’s what I meant). But of course sometimes things don’t always go according to plan and little mishaps do happen...You know you might accidentally  miscalculate the distance between the floor and the kitchen counter because of bad light or because you were distracted by the hoomin in there and your first attempt of climbing might not have proved to be successful. Well sometimes things do happen and we don’t always have totally control over them...

Or in another instance for example you might want to jump from one surface to another, let’s say on the top of the fridge and again you might get distracted by the hoomin who is doing something and you might not let’s say notice the big bowl full of water that the hoomin is using to clean the fish tank and as as result you might find yourself by accident… inside that bowl...a very nasty experience getting wet suddenly...sooo unexpectedly. Rather scary as well as it was so sudden and wet...Of course in such a situation your first reaction would be to run away and to find a quiet corner to contemplate what has just happened and of course to also dry the very wet parts...mostly your bag legs and tail...
And naturally and in such a situation you’d expect your hoomins to be considerate and rather worried about your had after all a nasty accident and not to be rolling on the floor laughing and making such a big deal out of such a nasty situation...calling you clumsy!
Nope, I was most definitely didn’t expect my hoomins to react in such a way, it was an unfortunate and very unpleasant situation, one which myself and hoomins should feel the need to forget as soon as possible and not to be wishing to have recorded it so it can watch the ‘accident’ slow motion (really, why hoomins?).
 So disappointed with my hoomins, it wasn’t funny it was very unfortunate and most definitely not my fault...They know too well that I like jumping on top of the fridge so to keep an eye on what’s going on down and therefore they shouldn’t have booby trapped with bowls of water my spot....I didn’t know that hoomin was doing the fish tank (she always cleans that big watery bowl with these creatures who always swim round and round....soooo boring), No most definitely it wasn’t my fault...

Also it wasn’t my fault that I’ve knocked those moth jars from that unit...why those hoomins put things on top of shelves and bookcases that I can easily knock over, don’t they know that I’m going to climb there soon or later to see what’s going on? So, no, I wasn’t going to set those moths free again inside (hoomins usually let them free outside), I wasn’t even aware that they were there anyway! So there was no reason for them to again start laughing because I got surprised and a little bit scared (just a little bit, OK?) when those noisy glassy jars fell on that was again very unexpected...(and they didn’t even get damaged!). It is not really fair that hoomins find very amusing all these unfortunate accidents or the fact that they keep saying that I’m a very ‘clumsy fellow...for a  cat. I’m not a  clumsy fellow, I’m a handsome fellow hoomins...
Very upsetting indeed....and I’m not sure that I can forgive them for being so cruel to me....No way!

Hmmm! Wait a minute, now, did hoomin call me? Oh I think she is feeling up my food bowl...Better go and check, just to make sure that food is not getting wasted of course!

Purrs and meows till next time!

But before I go I would like to mention here again that my hoomins trying to raise money to help with our older cats vet bills as their treatments can be very expensive since insurances don’t cover senior cats treatment for life (not fair really as we can live a lot longer now and some of us need medical treatment) if you feel generous and you want to help you can donate by clicking here:

Also now I have my own range of products Ozzy Superstar which you can buy from here:

Monday, 15 July 2019

When hoomins are too busy for you...I don’t like it!

Where that darn bone has gone now...I’d get you!

Here we are again! Another not so great weekend has just passed and once again I can’t say that I had a good time despite the fact that my hoomins were at home most of the time (well at least one of my hoomins anymeows, as the other sometimes tends to spend a lot of time outside on Caturday and then comes back carrying bagsthat they don’t have any cat food, treats or’s all hoomin stuff! Nope don’t like it, she spends too much time outdoors and I don’t think that is good for know she needs to stay home and rest like the other hoomin does and give me a lot of attention and extra treats and food!).

So and as I was saying last weekend wasn’t again a good one as and once again I didn’t get much attention from any of my hoomins...on the contrary they were rather upset at times with me and I’m not quite sure even now what I did wrong...I was just being my normal self!
You know, I’ve followed the normal weekend routine, started early, well normal for any other day of the week of course. My morning waking up the hoomins alarm started as usual with the one hoomin, sitting on her then moving to the biting and scratching face, hands, exposed feet phase and then afterwards  going to the other hoomin (well, I don’t want him to feel left out of course) till he eventually gave in and he got up (she is a lot harder to wake up in the weekends than he is as she sleeps a lot and even locks me out of the room so not to try to get her up again till she decides to get up fair really as I don’t like being behind closed doors and she totally ignores my meows and scratching at the door efforts! I really don’t understand how she can ignore me when I’m trying my very hardest to be as loud as I can be so she can hear me...such a mystery that hoomin!).

So and when eventually the first hoomin got up I thought that we were for a nice, enjoyable weekend with hoomins around to give me the attention (and food of course) I needed. But things weren’t going according to plan as hoomins seemed to be pre-occupied with Choo Choo instead.
Well I know that Choo Choo hasn’t being his normal ignoring me all the time himself lately and he seems to have some issues with his food, hoomins are giving him different food than before because he can’t eat the normal stuff anymore (well, good thing that I’m around of course so all that nice food doesn’t get wasted although hoomins are not so keen to distribute all that food to any of us at all as they keep saying something good for anybody really....I do hope that they are not going to waste all that food after all!).
But of course it’s not just the food that Choo Choo has to eat and which food hoomins also think now that I should be eating as well because they believe that I’m on the plump size (what that means anyway?) and I need to eat less and better so I don’t get too fat (once again I’m not fat hoomins!) and which food of course not only doesn’t taste that great but it also comes in small portions which they are not that filling, believe me!
Why oh why do I need that horrible food that Choo Choo now eats? You see Choo Choo is old, I’m not....Not fair!
So and as I was saying it wasn’t only the change of the food that spoiled my weekend but also the fact that Choo Choo took advantage of the hoomins and made them feel sorry for him and as result they spend most of the time giving him attention and ignoring me despite my efforts to remind me that I was also around (well I had to knock over a few things to get their attention of course)...It was all poor Choo Choo this and poor Choo Choo that and he was sitting and snoozing on hoomins all the time and hoomins wouldn’t disturb him or give me a bit of attention...Boy how Choo Choo milked it all weekend....and then Faith would come and squeak and she would get some attention as well....she doesn’t even meow properly, she just squeaks for pity’s sake!

So I had to find ways to entertain myself at times between my little power naps, you know find anything that I can play like that bone I’ve stolen from the hoomin’s plate, best toy ever I can tell you! I had a lot of fun all weekend with that bone...Hey don’t judge me now....I had to have some fun on my own as I was getting bored seeing Choo Choo playing the I’m not too well, give me some more attention hoomins, card all weekend!

Anymeows at least now everything is back to normal (except from my food that is, I’m still getting the same small crappy portions, thanks to Choo Choo of course) and Choo Choo miraculously  got better now that hoomins had to go back to work....grrr....

Better go now and see if I can convince hoomins that I might die from starvation if they don’t feed me some proper food soon!

Purrs and meows for now!

But before I go I would like to mention here again that my hoomins trying to raise money to help with our older cats vet bills as their treatments can be very expensive since insurances don’t cover senior cats treatment for life (not fair really as we can live a lot longer now and some of us need medical treatment) if you feel generous and you want to help you can donate by clicking here:

Also now I have my own range of products Ozzy Superstar which you can buy from here:

Monday, 8 July 2019

Weekends are not that great after all...I’ve decided, especially when hoomins are at home...pfft!

I’m right here...hiding from hoomins,,,good hiding, ha?

You know I came to the conclusion that I don’t really like weekends after all....especially those weekends that hoomins decide that they will be staying at home ALL the time to recharge their batteries and to annoy, us, kittens and destroy our normal peaceful and relaxing time at home...

As I’ve mentioned it before weekends mornings are really bad to start with...actually they are a sort of a nightmare to kinda think of it...For starters hoomins don’t get up on their normal time in the mornings as they are having what they call it a ‘lying in’...which means that they would stay in bed almost indefinitely with no consideration of us, suffering starving kitties who we don’t have our breakfast on time...I really try my very best every time to get them up at a reasonable time but they are so stubborn and they totally ignore me...nothing it seems to work with those pesky hoomins on those weekend mornings, despite all my best efforts to get them up at a reasonable time so they can do their chores. I mean last Caturday I even tried something totally different to see if that might work but and unfortunately nothing seems to have an effect on these lazy hoomins on weekends! This time I’ve first tried the scratching of the exposed foot of the one of the hoomins but darn it she was too quick for me and she put it away far too quickly for me to do any real damage...I mean to be effective in my attempts to get her up of course! Then it was the scratching of the exposed hand, again she was too quick so I went for the nose and that didn’t go according to plan either...she got really annoyed at me and she went undercovers...Nope that plan didn’t work at all so I haD to spend the rest of the morning sitting on top of the other hoomin till he eventually decided to get up...very very late than normal...I’m telling you it is impossible to get them at a decent time in the weekends...I wonder it just me and  my hoomins are just faulty or is this a common practice among other hoomins as well on weekends? Hmm...I wonder!

So and when eventually they’ve decided to get up at some really ridiculously late time and it is almost too late for breakfast (only joking of course, it is never too late for any kind of meal of course for us, kitties!) then it started to get even more tiresome than just trying to get them out of bed! I mean hoomins they then started to act a bit peculiar, you know they’ve started noticing me and paying more attention than usual, which was a bit weird and rather uncomfortable I dare to say! All of the sudden they were very very friendly and were looking at me rather peculiar! They’ve started giving me me the attention that you don’t really want from your hoomins, you know when they start thinking that maybe a visit to the vet is due or something similar and very unpleasant is about to happen!  You know, when they suddenly are noticing that you are in need of good brush and then they try to create bald spots with that horrible brush, when quite clearly I didn’t need any kind of brushing(I am always purrfect)....or and even worse noticing that your claws are too long and they need trimming...hoomins no, no nobody touches my claws, I’d do my own trimming thank you very much...But of course and as it was to be expected they wouldn’t leave me alone and after a while and some chasing and a bit of hiding and seek playing as well I was finally trapped (well they were two of them and one poor little me) and they’ve managed in the end to trim my poor little claws. Of course and as it is to be expected I made a lot fuss and I was pretending to be extremely annoyed and even I’ve tried to bite hoomins hand (hee, hee). What do you expect? I had to play my part of course of the very annoyed, sulking kitty, even if there was no harm done and my claws look and feel a lot better now, but you can’t let hoomins know that now, can you? So yes weekends sometimes can be really hellish when hoomins are at home and they decide that they need to give you a bit more attention than normal...they feel that they have been neglecting you and you need a bit of ‘pampering’, good grief what ever next? A bubble bath?...Just kidding, let’s not send out there to the universe anymore bad vibes and suddenly those pesky hoomins start getting such crazy ideas...
Well at least the weekend is over now and hoomins are back to their normal routine and too tired after work to give me too much attention...phew!

By the way and if by any chance have heard any rumours about a new girlfriend...I’m telling you know that’s it’s all lies, she just happened to pass by and I was just looking outside and I didn’t get all excited or anything...I don’t even think that she is pretty anymeow, just another ordinary black cat....who she might like me a don’t listen to my hoomins, they are just seeing things now and making too much of a deal of nothing, really meow!

Anymeows better go mow!

Purrs and meows till next time

But before I go I would like to mention here again that my hoomins trying to raise money to help with our older cats vet bills as their treatments can be very expensive since insurances don’t cover older cats treatment for life (not fair really as we can live a lot longer now and some of us need medical treatment) if you feel generous and you want to help you can donate click here:

Also now I have my own range of products Ozzy Superstar which you can buy from here:

Monday, 1 July 2019

Hoomins sometimes they appear to often misunderstand us but we forgive them because we now know how poorly they are!!

See? Not eating Choo Choo’s food...I’m only snoozing not eating!

How often us kitties out there and over here have been misunderstood by our hoomins and despite all our best intentions we were then blamed for things we don’t really do...well at least no intentionally of course and we occasionally might even get annoyed (a little bit) with them and you know…well forgive them, eventually!

But then something happens and everything all the sudden becomes know, you totally get your hoomins behaviour! Well, yes they are a bit peculiar most of the times, it is true but sometimes they can be excused for all these weird behaviours, you know there is some good reason and logic behind their madness, well only at times that is of course! Hoomins without a doubt they do generally define logic and they behave very irrational at many occasions (but of course we all know that is not always their fault as they were made that peculiar looking way!)

I mean and for example my hoomin sometimes accuses me for really silly things and for doing things out of spite...who me, the most kind and considerate cat in the world? Why on earth I would do anything to annoy or punish my hoomin for not doing what she is supposed to do, you know give me attention when I demand it and refill my bowl when I am hungry or at least provide me with some decent treats...But of course I’m not mean or resentful in any way and I don not wait for her to start getting dressed to go to the window and pull the blinds so the world outside can see her when she is getting dressed. I mean why I should do such a thing...I’m not doing anything on purpose I am simply trying to have a look outside and the blinds pulling off are some sort of an accident...I won’t pull them on purpose of embarrass my hoomin, us cats would never do such a mean and horrible thing...

Also I resent the accusation that I’m too mean to hoomins in the mornings...I’ve said it before I’m only doing my duty and I’m trying to get them up on time so they can do their chores without being late...I mean I do not sit on them on purpose till they decide to finally get up...Besides and even if I do sit on them I’m not that heavy so they can hardly move or something...and most definitely I do not scratch...I mean I do have nice long claws which I sharpen very often on carpets, sofas, occasional hoomin leg that are available around but most definitely I don’t scratch hoomins in the mornings on the face or neck so to motivated them to get up or even bite exposed noses, eyes and ears...who would do a thing like that? Definitely not me of course, remember I’m a very caring cat! Besides and if I wanted to use the occasional claw or teeth to motivate hoomins a bit I would do it very gently and they would hardly feel anything anyway, it would be like they are being gently tickled....

But of course and as I’ve said it earlier I do understand now why my hoomins are appearing to be so peculiar and they seem to over reacting about almost everything! I mean this obsession they seem to have with me being ‘fat’ or something, which of course is not true and to try to hide food from me when they know that I’m only trying to test the food so to make sure that is safe for the other two, it has now become very clear to me and now I totally understand why they behaving the way they do...You see I’ve read it somewhere that some hoomins offer suffer from a strange disease which apparently makes them feel poor and therefore not being able to buy or want to buy (something on these lines) a lot and expensive food for their cats or for themselves in some cases! I think this illness is rather serious and very contagious and I think my hoomins might have got it as well which of course would explain their reluctance to let me eat as I wish and to try to hide and save some food for me for later...poor hoomins, I do feel sorry for them and I do hope they get well soon!

Well that’s all for meow, time to check if hoomins are feeling any better and have filled up any food bowls recently!

Purrs and meows till next time!

But before I go I would like to mention here again that my hoomins trying to raise money to help with our older cats vet bills as their treatments can be very expensive since insurances don’t cover older cats treatment for life (not fair really as we can live a lot longer now and some of us need medical treatment) if you feel generous and you want to help you can donate (and of course if you also want to help my sick hoomins get well again and not feeling poor so they can start feed me properly again pretty please) click here

Finally this year is over….so let’s all hoomins and cats have a great New Year!

  You can read Ozzy’s comic  ‘Life with Ozzy and.. Tolkien’  which is available to download or buy on Amazon Well finally the last day of a...