Life with Ozzy and.. Tolkien

Life with Ozzy and.. Tolkien
The misadventures of Ozzy and Tolkien at home

Monday, 4 November 2019

Kittens are really really stupid...and there is Tolkien of course

Here I am, practising my hunting skills on these pesky drops...I’m getting one would be able to escape me soon!
Well, I shouldn’t be saying this, after all kittens are small versions of us, cats, right? So really I shouldn’t be saying that they are really really stupid and even worse than hoomins at times but then again you don’t share your home with a kitten named Tolkien so you have no idea how bad thing times!
You see, at first I was very willing to give him a chance, I’ve accepted him from the very start as part of the family and I even tried my hardest to try to teach him the basic rules of being a cat....But Tolkien is something else...not a kitten really or even some form of a hoomin. I mean he has all the characteristics of a small growing cat, ears, eyes, face, four legs, nice soft velvety fur and a long tail (some might say a bit too long perhaps) and thank god has none of the hoomins features. Well, you know what hoomins look like as they are quite ugly really but they do also have some vague characteristics that are some similar to ours such as eyes like us (peculiar colours though), weird dry most of the time ridiculously big noses, big mouth, teeth (which they don’t use very well), four legs, although their front ones are a bit deformed and they don’t use them at all for walking (how peculiar) and they can make noises like us at times but of course they have no proper soft fur or a tail (mostly peculiar, a species with no visible traces of some form of a tail at all....).
But enough about how weird looking hoomins really are as and at least they have some purpose when it comes to our needs but Tolkien on the other hand, well, he doesn’t seem to fit to any categories of species I can think of...because he is so stupid and everything he does, is wrong!
I mean everybody knows that this time of the year hoomins usually exhibit some of their weird behaviours which means that they do a lot of different things so to ‘celebrate’ what they call holidays such as Halloween and Fireworks night....
On Halloween night they’ll  take a weird looking orange vegetable which they call pumpkin and then they’ll mutilate it by curving weird faces on it which they think they look scary for some bizarre reason...(my hoomins like to curve cat faces on them for some even more bizarre reason...they are not very good at it anymeows). They then tend to put that ugly by now pumpkin at the window for a few hours with a lit candle inside so it looks kinda scary (well I told you hoomins are weird)....As I’ve said it is weird but it doesn’t really bother me...Of course as it is my duty I’d check it first to make sure it is safe and that there is no food hidden inside (you know those pesky hoomins how they like to hide food in strange places) and also to see how silly and not scary it looks and then I’d forget about it as and in general it doesn’t bother me at all, unlikely Tolkien of course. You see, being still a kitten, this was his first Halloween and pumpkin experience and he didn’t like it at all. I mean I’ve never known a cat to be so afraid of a vegetable and to freak out by just looking at it and to even scratch the hoomin that was holding him because he was soooo scared of a vegetable....I mean the whole things was soooo funny! A black cat to be afraid of Halloween....hilarious! He was hissing and meowing at the pumpkin that hoomins and meowself thought at first that he had seen another cat outside, not that he was meowing and growling at the not so scary pumpkin!  Only Tolkien could be afraid of a orange vegetable, a harmless silly looking pumpkin and not of the noise fireworks outside....Not that they bother me either but I won’t sit by the window to watch these noisy lights moving around outside constantly....what for? What is the purpose of these noisy fireworks really other than disturbing my snoozing....pfft!
Anymeows back to Tolkien again who has now discovered another door for climbing the one in the living room and so he decided to perch up there this weekend as he was kept falling and missing the door in the bedroom....such a silly, very very stupid kitten, really!
Here he is again....stuck once again at the top of another door...oh hoomin is Tolkien the door!
I really despair with him and I don’t know what to do with him....I have to just leave him to the hoomins....I had more than enough and my patience has now worn out....unless he starts showing some signs of intelligence I don’t want to have anything to do with him....unless of course I’m bored and need a little bit of exercise as he is the only one available at the moment....although again he doesn’t get the message at night time when I call him to play and when hoomins are matter how hard I try to call him he just ignores me....he doesn’t seem to understand that it is playing time when hoomins are asleep....hopeless really!

Better go now dinner time you see and Tolkien is fast asleep again!

Purrs and meows till next time!

Before I go though I would like to mention once again that my hoomins are trying to raise money to help older cats such like Choo Choo and Faith were with vet bills as their treatments can be very expensive since insurances don’t cover senior cats treatment for life (not fair really as we can live a lot longer now and some of us need medical treatment) if you feel generous and you want to help cats like Choo Choo to have a good old age you can donate by clicking here:

Also you can buy some of my own range of products, the Ozzy Superstar range here too:

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