Life with Ozzy and.. Tolkien

Life with Ozzy and.. Tolkien
The misadventures of Ozzy and Tolkien at home

Monday, 26 October 2020

The problem with Tolkien is...he is too stupid to be a cat!

Tolkien in one of his bad attempts to hide

So here we are again, another week has passed and Halloween is fast approaching although and given the current circumstances it doesn’t seem that it’s going to be such a big thing like another year that is...well according to my hoomins of course! Which I do think that it is rather unfortunate as I like the hoomins’ holidays and celebrations as there always seems to be a lot of food around which quite often hoomins tend to leave around....let’s say around without paying too much attention! 

Yeap holidays are always a good thing for meowself that as there are always things that need to be done and I don’t mind helping the hoomins with all their preparations....they always need a helping paw during those festive times! Now and as I was saying last week because I’ve spent a lot of time with the hoomins since there are permanently at home so and as a result I have also picked a lot of the hoomins’ habits and I consider meowself to be part hoomin too so I’m always trying my hardest to assist the hoomins wherever I can. You know always giving a helping paw to make the hoomins life a bit easier…wherever I can that is of course like work, exercising, housework, etc, etc. 

 But unfortunately and as you already know it’s not just meowself at home with the hoomins....there is also Tolkien who is now a full grown cat and who can’t seem to be stoping from growing and growing.... (by the way you can still read about our life at home and of course all about the good times we’ve used to have at home in the good old days before March when hoomins behaved like hoomins and they’ve used to go outside often...in the hoomins comic Life with Ozzy.. and Tolkien available on Amazon). 

 He has become so big that hoomins are finding it really hard to even picking him up. Which of course proves my point what I have been saying all this time...Tolkien is not a cat after all. I don’t know what he is but he is most definitely not a cat. 

An example of Tolkien being too big...he can’t fit in the hammock anymore!


You see not only he doesn’t look like a cat but he is not acting like one either! I have tried my hardest all this time to train him to act like a cat at least to some basic level but it has been all in vain. He has never shown any inclination to learn anything at all. Well OK and fair enough he does meow and eats cat food (although this is not always the case...well…OK and perhaps for both of us anymeows) and uses the litter tray but he still hasn’t learnt how to cover after he has been to the litter tray and I bet he’d probably given the chance use the hoomins toilet instead but other than those few things he doesn’t do anything else that can identify him as a cat. 

Yes I do know that he is not very clever and some might even say that he is rather stupid but even his stupidity shouldn’t stop him from acting in some ways like a cat. Well I knew from the very beginning when I first saw him that he wasn’t a normal kitten....not with those big ears and long tail! Not normal at all! Then it came his obsession with always being on high above ground surfaces especially the top of the doors and cupboards...no cat can spend so much time high above the ground....then there is his strange obsession with no cat food...he likes some of the most peculiar and not so nice tasting hoomin foods like marmite, crips and other salty type of snacks and food and he doesn’t like ice cream and cheese or spaghetti which as you know is my favourite....

Then there is his other obsession with strange objects like the hoomins’ phones which he likes sniffing or objects that they don’t make much sense in playing with such as cat litter...if he sees a piece of cat litter on the floor he gets really excited and spends a lot of time playing with it....why oh why? Where is the fun with playing with a piece of cat litter? Can anyone tell me? As for the way he likes sitting and sleeping....well again it’s so strange as he likes hanging from tops and surfaces...Well he is quite big I admit but this is not a good reason for always hanging...he is not on the top of a tree you know! Even when you try to play with him he doesn’t seem to be following any rules...he has no idea how to hide when we are playing hide or seek or how to find for that matter...he always makes squeaking noises when we having little wrestling games and then the hoomins always think that I’m bullying him or pulling his fur....which by the way because he has a lot it always comes loose on the carpet without any effort from my part whatsoever I’m telling you! 

He doesn’t know how to get attention from the hoomins instead he acts like a meerkat when the hoomins trying to give him attention or he would expose his many nipples to the hoomins for no apparent reason. He also doesn’t know how to get food from the hoomins either...he just sits there and the hoomins simply ignore him...if it wasn’t for meowself he would have starved! He is totally hopeless...I’m telling you, no way he is a cat...I don’t know what type of creature he is but definitely he is not 100% cat...some other type of inbreeding has taken place here which makes him a strange creature...part bat perhaps part alien! I guess it is a good thing that now that is Halloween he is staying indoors (as we are after all indoors only like the hoomins are now) so he won’t scare the few hoomins and other cats outside...I don’t think that any hoomins could cope with Tolkien outside even if it is Halloween...he would be too much for them! 

Anymeows better go now....things need to be done and hoomins need my assistance.

 Purrs and meows till next time! 

 Before you go and if you want to check that mentioned above comic...Life with Ozzy and.. Tolkien is now available to download or buy on Amazon 

 Ozzy and Tolkien would like to ask you to donate if you could so to help us with the ever expensive vet bills of our senior cats so they can have a good old age. So please PayPal Ozzy and Tolkien’s hoomin. Thank you! 

 Don't forget to check my hoomin's site on Cat Behaviour if you want some advice...hoomin says that I am really good at giving good advice to hoomins! 



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